thoughts on Christmas

I was up late last night, late enough to be awake for the first few minutes of Christmas morning. My sister was asleep on the couch next to me. We have had this tradition of sleeping in the living room every Christmas eve. It started when we both were young and believed in Santa Clause and had a hope of seeing him come through our chimney and eat the cookies and carrots we laid out for him. As the years have gone by, the magic of Christmas holiday has died down just as the belief in the red suited man has. So last night was different, but it was similar in many ways. Jess and I will probably sleep on the couch every Christmas eve whenever we are together for the holiday just for old times and traditions sake. But last night, instead of Santa Clause, I found my mind being swept away by other thoughts. Not magical or festive. These thoughts were of a different flavor. I opened the Bible to the second chapter of Luke and started reading... "And in the same region there were shepherds out in the field, keeping watch over their flocks by night."

You know the story. We all do. We all have heard it. We all have seen it played out in a thousand different versions on a thousand different stages in a thousand different cities. That story has impacted our culture more than any other story. Everyone has an opinion about that story.

So as I am lying there on my couch I glance over at the couch across the living room. My sister is fast asleep. Memories flood my mind of the day I first saw her. As my dad wheeled her out of the international terminal of Logan Airport, the first thing I noticed was that red hood. She was sitting in a stroller and had a red hood. 3 and 1/2 years old. A precious child taken from an orphanage in Manila, Philippines and brought to become apart of our family. 13 years later I can't help but know that there is a reason it was her, and no one else, but her, that joined the Nims family.

"And this will be a sign for you: you will find a baby wrapped in swaddling cloths and lying in a manger."

As I think about the Christmas story... wow. This thing we all are experiencing. This thing we call life or human existence. That burning ball of fire we are spinning around at 1,000 mph. These relationships we enter. The time that passes as we move from childhood, to adolescence, to adulthood, to seniority. All this just really makes me stop and wonder. I have believed this story my entire life. But do I realize realize the gravity of it? What if this story that we have over-dramatized, culturized, and secularized is actually true? What if there truly is purpose behind this life?

What if we were actually created in a real garden with a real God that really loves us. And we actually chose to disobey him. But this God loved us so much that He really did put up with us for thousands of years of rebelling against Him. And then, when He could not take it anymore, He did the craziest thing ever. God became one of us and walked in our world for three decades only to get nailed to a tree. He lived to die the death we deserved. But then He comes back to life and tells us to go and tell everyone we know about Him and how much He loves us. And then He tells us that He is coming back for us and He is gonna make a new heaven and earth it is gonna blow our socks off.

That is the story. Do I really believe it? Do I really believe that right now, the God of the Universe is with me and is watching me. That He knows my inner most parts. He knows my entire future. He knows where I am gonna be ten years from now, how many kids I am gonna have, and how many bowls of frosted flakes I am gonna eat on my 40th birthday? That He has defeated death and has overcome the world?

Do I live like I believe it? Like it is the best thing that has ever happened to me?
Am I anxious and excited to tell people about my Heavenly Father? Do I really know He is listening to every word I tell Him?


Well, as I think about all that I realize that most of the answers to those questions are probably no, not all the time.

Today, I hope you make some time to read the story. Ask yourself, if it is not the truth, than what is this life about? What are we doing here? Who cares how much stuff we have. Who cares about the ipad and if the Lakers win another championship. What does it even matter if this is all one big cosmic and biological accident?

I know this story is more than just a story. I know it is the truth. O How amazing a truth it is. Would the truth of Jesus of Nazareth change how you live today, even if you have known him for years.


Merry Christmas

JN

anticipating refreshment

I am going home in four days. I really, really miss it. Sometimes it feels like there is so much happening in life, that it is really hard to process all at once. God has been so good, and has been doing amazing things within the community here in Ohio. It has been so exciting to see Him bring people together in unity who have the same heart: to worship Him. He has been doing amazing things in my life as well. Sometimes it feels like life is happening so quickly I just want to slow down, stop, and reflect. I guess what I am trying to say, is, I am really excited to go back home to the North Shore and get away from everything for a few weeks. Since I have lived in Ohio, every time I have gone home, God always has refreshed me. I am really looking forward to that again. I want to come back to Amish country in 2011 refreshed and ready to go.

Often times the ministry talks about spiritual markers and the importance of revisiting them. For me, a spiritual marker in my life is a basketball court in Asbury Grove, Massachusetts. It is the place where I met God 4 1/2 years ago. Sadly, now it feels like a distant memory. Time has taken its course, and I have been growing up. But that summer, my life changed. I met Jesus. I can't wait to step on that court again in a few days. I sometimes forget those times in my life. I forget that God is the same as He was almost 5 years ago. It is me who has been changing and growing. But God never changes. The voice that called me when was 15 is the same voice that calls me now.

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me" John 10:27



JN

perspective

Last night I watched the first two Left Behind movies in the series. I was struck with how recently, I have lost perspective on what really matters in life. Regardless of when the tribulation period begins, we as the Church need to have a biblical perspective on what our lives are accumulating to. I tend to have these stretches in life where I am only focused on my self and what I want out of life. I forget that God has called me to be an ambassador of reconciliation and a light in a dark world. And now, as a college student, it is easy for me to focus solely on my performance in school and miss the bigger picture of why I am in school in the first place. I was just reminded yesterday that every day brings us closer to when Jesus is coming back. There will be a day when people of faith will be persecuted in all nations. Followers of Jesus will have to daily risk their lives for the sake of the gospel. I am thankful that our country still has its liberties and that does not happen here. But even America will become a dangerous place for Christians.

It is so easy to keep our eyes on ourselves and what we think we want out of life. But the reality is, that one day, we will enter eternity and God will ask us what it is we have done for Him. I don't want to offer Him good grades or a comfortable paycheck. I want to offer Him a life of wholehearted devotion, whatever that looks like.

"Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord because you know your labor is not in vain." 1 Corinthians 15:58

JN

Psalm 139

I wrote a song today for the first time in a few years. It kinda reflects where I have been at these past few weeks. I don't have a title yet. We'll see where it ends up.

You've searched me and known my heart
You've tried me and known my thoughts
from your presence I can not run
I lay bare in Your arms,
I lay bare in Your arms

I had drowned in my sin
ashamed of all my filth
in the sight of a Holy God
but You chose to call me son
yes, You chose to call me son

Daddy I'm coming home
forgive me for what I've done
I'm delivered by your grace
and I'm running into your arms,
I'm running into your arms

You formed my inward parts
in the darkness of the womb
You've always held my life
I've never been hidden from You,
no, I've never been hidden from You

and here I am now
so many years gone by
but You have never changed
I'm still a child by Your side,
I'm still Your child by Your side

Daddy I'm coming home
forgive me for what I've done
I'm delivered by your grace
and I am running into your arms,
yes, I'm running into your arms


JN

Zephaniah 3:17

It amazes me how I can one day be so at peace with life and then all of a sudden, it seems that I can't stop stressing out. I had been having a great week. Then college started piling up. I am two weeks away from finals, and in a few days of classes, I realized that I have at least 5 full days of studying ahead of me. My weeks are packed with ministry stuff. Every night of the week I have been at a worship practice or ministry event. So my next 2 weekends are going to consist of me sitting a table in a coffee shop, studying all day. After having a great thanksgiving break, the last five days have seemed incredibly stressful. Then, today, I get a call telling me a good friend of mine was in a serious ski accident and is in a hospital. Life seems to be concaving in all on sides right now. I don't really know where my emotions are, so that is probably why I am writing this.

I realized a few minutes ago how I am almost always the cause of any stress in my life. Yes, I have a lot of responsibility and work to do in the next three weeks. But it is nothing I can't handle if I just take deep breathes and stay in the present. Every day, my mind tends to make a list of all the things I need to get done. When I dwell and constantly think about what I have to do in the future, then I tend to get stressed.

Zephaniah 3:17. It is a verse that I tend to read to quickly over. It is a verse that needs to be mediated on slowly. It says:


The Lord your God is with you
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you
He will quiet you by His love and
He will rejoice over you with singing.


I love that God takes all the action in this verse. All that we are to do is sit there, and know there He is with us. Know that He is mighty to save. Be delighted in. Be quieted by his love. And listen as He sings over us. Our action is simply being. God does all the work.

That is so comforting to me, to know that I don't have to do anything except be. Even in the midst of doing math problems and writing English essays, I can be still and know that my God takes great delight in me and rejoices over me with singing.

Hallelujah.

Snow

The pages of the calender continue to change. Months have been passing quickly. And it snows. A lot of people I know really hate snow. I am one of the weird ones who loves it. I can't get over the beauty of watching a million flakes fall from the sky at night. It is just incredible to think that every single flake is different from each other. It amazes me to know that the same God who made each snowflake unique, made me. The Psalms declare that we are fearfully and wonderfully made. It goes on to say that the number of loving thoughts God has for us would outnumber the grains of sand on the earth if we were to count them.

There is a majestic beauty in the first snowfall of the season. It snowed last night I woke up to sight of the ground covered like a white velvet sheet.

I think the reason why I love snow so much is that it reminds me of my family. I have so many memories with my parents and sister out on a snowy day making a fort, or spending a snowy Christmas eve in Boston enjoying the city, or watching my sister fall through the ice into the ocean as I reached down to rescue her. I have really been anticipating going home for Christmas and spending the entire time just enjoying the company of my parents, sister, and old friends. It is funny in life, how you grow to appreciate people and appreciate things that remind you of people you love...things like snow.

If there is something... a smell, a sight, a picture...that reminds you of loved ones, or your cherished childhood memories, I hope you embrace it and know that God delights in blessing His children with good gifts. I am learning how there is nothing in my life that is not a gift from God. He has been teaching me how he deeply desires to bless us with heavenly gifts if we would give Him our heart and give him our lives. It is just incredible how much joy there is in Jesus. There is so much to be thankful for and so much to worship Him for. I don't think I have felt the love of the Father like this in a long time.

I still cannot get that line in Phil Wickham's song out of my head.

I pray that you would know that this is the God we worship. This is our Father of Heavenly Lights who gives good gifts to His children. This is our Savior, and this is our Jesus.

I hear your voice and I catch my breath
Well done my child enter in, in rest
Tears of joy roll down my cheek
Its beautiful beyond my wildest dreams






JN

Heaven Song

So often I get bogged down with the responsibilities of life. Relationships, school, finances, ministry stuff, holidays... the list can go on and on. Sometimes I forget what all of this thing we call the Christian life is accumulating to. We forget why we do what we do. We forget why we go to church. Why we sing worship songs. Sometimes we even forget why we pray and read the Word.

I recently have been in this music phase where all I listen to is this one artist, Phil Wickham. I bought his new CD last week over the thanksgiving break. Travis and I were driving and as we were listening to it, Travis goes "man, Phil Wickham loves to sing about heaven." As I started listening to the lyrics of his new album, I realized just about every song references heaven or is about heaven. I stopped and thought "wow, Phil Wickham really must think about heaven a lot." I asked myself why I do not think about heaven through out my daily life.

I really love the second verse of Heaven Song. It says:

I hear Your voice and I catch my breath
'Well done my child, enter in and rest'
Tears of joy roll down my cheek
It's beautiful beyond my wildest dreams

I just think about that image of me opening my eyes and being struck with the realization that I am in eternity. Hearing the voice of God telling me "Well done my child. Come in". What my eyes would see is incomprehensible and unimaginable. Seeing the glory and splendor of God in Jesus Christ. Wow...
I want to meditate and let the reality of heaven permeate my mind and heart through out my day. My soul is always so uplifted when I think about seeing His face in heaven. Wow.






You wrote a letter and You signed your name
I read every word of it page by page
You said that You'd be coming, coming for me soon
Oh my God I'll be ready for You

I hear Your voice and I catch my breath
'Well done my child, enter in and rest'
Tears of joy roll down my cheek
It's beautiful beyond my wildest dreams

I want to run on greener pastures
I want to dance on higher hills
I want to drink from sweeter waters
In the misty morning chill
And my soul is getting restless
For the place where I belong
I can't wait to join the angels and sing my heaven song


-Heaven Song, by Phil Wickham

Dear Dad, Thanks

Dear God,

Thanks. Thanks for my mom and dad. Thanks for my sister. Thank you for putting me in a family that desires You, and raised me to know who You are. Thanks for my sister who puts up with headlocks, tickle wars, and bear hugs even when she is not in the mood. Thanks for a mom who faithfully prays for me every day. Thanks for a dad who will never leave and is a man after Your heart. Thanks for the hospitality of friends who can provide a warm home for a son to see his parents and sister for a few days over a holiday.

Dear God,

Thanks for mending broken pieces together. Thank you for forgiving our pasts. Thank you for taking four sinners and calling them your own.


Dear God,

Thanks for creating family. Thanks for making us whole. Thanks for being love and showing love to me through my family.



Dear Dad,

Thanks


JN

discover

Recently I have had these urges to get out and go. I don't know where and I don't know how. But I want to just go. I feel like these feelings come from time to time in my life, especially whenever I am bound by responsibility. Responsibility is a great thing, and I am really glad God chose to entrust us with it. But there is something enticing, something compelling about the desire to discover. You know what I am talking about. It is this thing inside of us, this enigma in the human spirit that beckons to be free. It cannot be satisfied by a paycheck or quenched by the confines of materialism. It is just there. You see it at its prime in the heart of a child. Remember when you were young, when you started up at the moon wondering why it followed your parents car as you drove into the stillness of the night? Or has the sea ever taken you captive on a moonlit evening? There is that point where the water fades into the horizon that seems to beckon to be explored.

I think God put the desire to discover in us when He made Adam. He told Adam to work the land, name the animals, and have dominion in the garden. He gave Adam the entire earth. It was his. All of it. I think God is funny like that. God is indescribable, incomprehensible, and indiscoverable. Yet He chose to reveal Himself to us through creation and though the Son. I really think Heaven will be an endless pursuit of the glory of God. We will want more, and more, and more of Him for all of eternity. And we will never reach a point where we have all of Him.

I am one of those who believes and hopes that God will give us the Universe to explore for all of eternity, and bodies that will not be bound by physics. But until then, I would love to take a few months and start walking. A stick in my hand, a pack on my back, and a friend by my side. We would journey to discover. More of the world, more of ourselves, and more of the heart of God.

Its funny, because the feet of a carpenter from Nazareth walked a path by the sea, even though He created it, He walked. The path He walked took Him to His death. But it also took Him to resurrected life. He walked so I could walk. He walked so you could walk. May we walk on with Him together, on this endless path of glory.


JN

faith like a child

There is a man I know who lives in the heart of west Texas. His face is aged like a skiff after many years at sea. He is a quiet soul with a roaring spirit. Life exudes from him and he carries joy like one would carry a torch. He is the type of man that breathes integrity and has wisdom spewing from his ears. He has worked in the prisons. He has worked in the shelters. He has worked with the convicts, the drug addicts, the broken and the hopeless. But this was all years before I met him. Our paths crossed about a year ago at a coffee shop in Holmes County. At the time, he was housing and discipling young Amish men who left the Amish church and had been excommunicated from their families.

The first thing I noticed about him was the youth in his eyes. His eyes radiated life and youth. It struck me by surprise to see such youth and winsomeness in a man in his 60's. As I got to know him, I began to see what it was that lied behind his poise, behind his quiet confidence, behind his smile. And then I heard him pray. When he prays, he prays from the depths of his heart. He prays with the faith of a child.

In Mark 10, the crowds were bringing children to Jesus. The text says that the disciples rebuked the children from coming to Jesus. Jesus's response is baffling. "But when Jesus saw it (the disciples rebuke), he was indignant and said to them, Let the children come to me; do not hinder them, for to such belongs the kingdom of God. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it. And he took them in his arms and blessed them, laying his hands on them." Mark 10:14-16

It is clear that God desires that we have faith like a child. Faith without question. Faith without hesitance. Faith that is unhindered by doubt and fear. Faith that has full confidence and trust in the Word of God. If I have ever met a man who has faith like this, it is the man in west Texas. I talked to him about an hour ago. The last thing he said to me before he hung up was "man, I wanna be just like you when I grow up." I just laughed.




Lord, give me faith like a child. May I trust in your Word without question. Help me overcome my unbelief.

JN

Worship

It has been an interesting week. God has been rekindling a few passions of mine these past months, and this past week, I really saw one of my passions emerge. I never really realized how much I longed to worship God through music until a few months ago. It has been a slow but beautiful process seeing The Lord reveal to me how He made me.

I went to a mission conference in Waco, Texas last January that really changed a lot of things in my life. God spoke to me through some really Godly brothers about how He has gifted me and what my specific purpose and passions are here on Earth. I was told by someone in Waco to "listen to the whispers of my past" in regards to finding my God given passions and gifts. Since I was 16 I have loved to worship, loved to pray, and desired to disciple men the way I was discipled. Those are the pillars of my life: worship, prayer, and discipleship. Those are what I care most about and what I desire to do and to see most in the Church. God has been so good, and has blessed me with a few opportunities to lead worship. The past few weeks, I have been thinking a lot about it. I have really been struggling with leading. But, in the midst of my struggles, I see why I struggle. Satan does not want me to use the gifts God has given me. He does not want any of us to use our gifts. He was us to be unproductive and ineffective for the Kingdom of God. But God has called us to let our light shine, and let it shine so bright that all men would see it and bow down in worship of the Creator. I have realized that when I do not use my gifts... more specifically, when I choose not to worship with all that I am, pray with all that I am, and love people in discipleship with all that I am, I am actually not pleasing God.

God does not want His Church to be idle. He wants us to be alive. He wants us to shine. And He tells us to run with perseverance the race that is mark out for us. He tells us to be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in the work of the Kingdom. If we, the bride and body of Jesus Christ are not using our gifts, we are dishonoring God and not being the people we are made to be. We are not fulfilling our purpose.

1 Corinthians 15:58 is one of my life verses, and it is my prayer for the global Church today. Let's carry the torch. And let us be worshipers of God in Spirit and in Truth, being unhindered as we eagerly await for the arrival of our King.



JN

prayer

I am not really sure how to write this post. God showed me something yesterday. It might be hard for me to put that truth into writing, but I'll try.

In the last few weeks, people have told me I have seemed quieter, or down. I've had a lot on my mind. But it wasn't just that. I have been praying that God would refresh my heart and reveal Himself to me again. It has been a good while since I have felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. I realize that our feelings are just feelings, and they come and go and always will. But recently, during times of corporate worship and prayer, it has been very hard for me to come before God and just be. God showed me that the root of this is my personal prayer life. It is possible, at least for me, to be in prayer, but to not pray. What I mean by this, is, my prayers are just words. I may be in the "biblical posture", I may be saying all the right words, but I am really not coming before my God. In these times, all I am doing is saying the things I have learned to say. I am not expressing what is truly going on in my heart. These are the periods in my prayer life when my prayers feel like they hit a wall.

These past few weeks, I have felt like I am praying to myself. I don't know if that makes sense. It feels like I am praying because I know it is the thing I should be doing, but the object of my prayers is not the Eternal God. There really is no object of my prayers. I just pray for the sake of praying.

I don't know how, but yesterday God revealed to me that I generally do not seen Him as a person, just a conceptual truth. When I address my Father as a concept, my prayers become just that: conceptual.

The last day has been totally different. God is not a concept. He is a person. It feels so good coming before Him and just sitting there... not saying anything. It is a relief to know that I do not always need to pray theological prayers. Child like faith is a beautiful thing. And I marvel at people who have it.


give me faith like a child.


JN

a year

This past Sunday marked my 1 year anniversary with Off The Wall Ministry. I meant to write this on Sunday, but I haven't had the time to sit down and gather my thoughts until now. In this blog, I am going to recap some memories and how I have seen Christ change me this past year in Ohio.

October 11, 2009, my first day with Off The Wall Ministry

I had just turned 19. It was my first time ever living away from home. I came to Ohio with a lot of insecurties. I was fearful that people would not accept me. I was unsure of who I was and I really cared about what people thought of me. People's opinions of me defined my identity. But I wanted that to change. I wanted to discover how God made me and what He has gifted me in. I wanted to know why I believe in Jesus and if following Him for the rest of my life is really what I wanted. And so God got to work...

Mid February 2010

I originally planned to stay for 5-6 months. I knew in my heart that God had called me to Off The Wall Ministry. I had heard His call. But I fought it. I fought it from October through February. I was extremely discontent, impatient, and frantic during those months. I told myself that living in Colorado going to a Mountain College was going to make me happy. I also told myself that spending the summer in Costa Rica would make me content. I thought that experiences would bring me satisfaction in life. One day, God asked me if I was going to keep running forever, or allow Him to do His will in my life. I reluctantly chose to surrender my desires to Him. I committed to Off The Wall for another year.

end of July 2010

I was sitting on a porch Kihei, Hawaii, that overlooked the pacific ocean. My family rented a condo on the beach for a week on Maui. I was reflecting on the past 9 months of my life. I missed my Off The Wall family. I wanted to go back that minute. I had spent 6 weeks away with my mom, dad, sister, and actually wanted to trade my last few days in Maui to be with the Off The Wall team. I knew this is where I was called to serve the Lord, and was ecstatic about it. Looking back, I can see how through me being stubborn and fighting God, He took me to a place where I realized nothing in life would give me purpose and contentment other than following Him.

Today, October 13th, 2010

I am sitting on my bed. The house is empty. I have class in an hour. I know this is where God has called me to be. I am not fearful anymore about being accepted by people. I know I am accepted in Christ. He is my identity and He is my life. There is not any place in the world I could go that could fill a hole in my heart that longs for acceptance. Christ fills that hole. I am more content now then I ever have been in my life. I know this is the community I am going to serve the Lord with for a good part my early 20's. I have made a 2 year commitment to Off The Wall Ministry through the summer of 2012, but I have a feeling I will be here longer. I will be going on staff in 2011 as the guys discipleship House Leader.
I have discovered a few of my passions and giftings, and surely enough they are one in the same. I want to disciple men for the rest of my life and I want to lead people in worship to encounter their Creator.



God has been asking me for a long time, if I trust Him that He will give me the desires of my heart. It has been a hard process. God is always showing me areas in my life that I do not trust Him in. He is still working on me, but I can confidently say that now, I believe Psalm 37:4 more than I ever have. Life is an amazing journey. I am convinced that following Christ is about giving up control of our lives and following Him where ever He leads us. The funny thing is, now that I have done that, I don't want to be anywhere else. I feel so much freedom in knowing this is where I am supposed to be. And it is pretty sweet.

It will be funny writing a blog a year from now and seeing how the Lord continues to work in my life and in the lives of those around me.


I look forward to a great year of learning and growth in life,



JN

therefore remember

I don't really know where this post is going to go. But I was just thinking... God is really, really good. I mean really, really good. I have noticed how many times God tells us to remember. He tells Joshua to a build memorial stone so the Israelites won't forget that God was faithful in bringing them into the Promise Land (Joshua 4). He tells His people in Numbers to wear tassels so they don't forget God's Law (Numbers 15:39). Paul says in Ephesians 2:11 to "Therefore Remember". It is all over scripture. God tells us to remind ourselves of His goodness and not to forget Him, because, inevitably, we will.


"Therefore remember" has been a theme this year with Off The Wall. We constantly remind each other to remember Gods goodness in our lives and reflect on it.

This week, I have had some time to get away and just sit and remember. God always seems to quietly speak His love to me when I remember. My furthest memory goes back to China, when I was two or three. I remember waking up early one morning on a train. My parents and I were traveling from our home city, to a town way out in the country. Often times, we took overnight trains, or sleepers, as I like to call them. There were two bunk beds in our cabin. I remember waking up to the sun pouring into the cabin as the train started to slow down. I was alone and I remember standing on the table, peering out the window at the sun. It was so bright that morning. There was miles and miles of farmland spread out across the horizon. I remember standing there, on that table, in a cabin, on a sleeper train, realizing that God was with me. It wasn't a conscious thought I had to choose to make. I just knew. God was with me in China.

It always humbles me when I think about how God has was watching me grow up. He knew me before I entered my mothers womb, and He has always been with me. Whenever I reflect on my childhood, I am brought to a place of awe for my Creator. To know that He knows all things, and has been guiding my life from day one is an amazing and wonderful truth. And now, as I have left my teenage years, He continues to guide me and direct my path.

It is quite a journey, following Jesus. The best part is not needing to know where I am going in this life, but trusting that He already knows and will get me there.

I would encourage you to take some time, and reflect on the goodness of God. Therefore remember that He is with you and always will be. He will never leave you or forsake you. He is your King, your Savior, your Lord, your Friend, but most of all, He is your Daddy. Run into His arms and know that He is good.


JN

friendship

I am writing from a Moody dorm room that overlooks a large part of downtown Chicago. I am not the biggest city guy, but this one is beautiful. The Sears tower lights up at night, and I can see the flashing purple from my friends window. This week, I got to spend two days with two of my closest friends here in Chicago. It was so funny seeing them again. It had been almost a year since I saw one of them, but nothing had changed. I love friendship. I was reminded these past few days at Gods goodness through friendship. My relationships with people are one of the most important part of my life in my walk with Christ. I was reminded at how great friendships never grow stale. They pick up right where they leave off. Mike, Tyler, and I are all in different places now, then when we met. Different things are going in our lives, but friendship remains the same. I love that about God. He brings so much joy and contentment to godly friendships.

I am realizing more and more how meaningless life would be if I had to live it alone. I am thankful that God has blessed me with brothers and sisters who have the same heart and same mindset as I do. I was really encouraged this weekend to know that my bros over here at Moody are running to Christ just as fast or even faster than I am. It is really humbling and exciting to watch.

Yesterday the three of us played Frisbee on a beach in the city for over an hour. It was beautiful. 70 degrees and the water was pristine blue. It was just like old times. Except we were not in Costa Rica, we were in Chicago.

I think human relationships are vital in spiritual growth, as well as contentment, and significance. Thank you God for being a God who desires relationship with us and created relationship with others.

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:25


from a dorm overlooking the city that hasn't been so windy,

JN

our true home

I have been sitting at a table in the Daily Grind for about 4 hours now. I went to see a good friend of mine this weekend at his college in western PA, so naturally, I did not get any school work done and I had a bunch of it pile up on me. So my Saturday has pretty much consisted of studying, writing, and more studying.

For my college writing class, I have to respond to a reading every night. The class is more of a philosophy class then an English class. The theme for the semester seems to be "Being Reflexive". Being reflexive basically means being open to our ideas changing as we read different texts as they impact us. My prof would say the purpose of being reflexive is to "achieve a greater self awareness." It sounds nice. It has a real lets go sit at Starbucks and debate philosophy into the late hours of the night while non-nonchalantly sipping a decaf mocha Java espresso that's cup is recyclable and gives 10% of its cost to hungry children in Africa so we can feel good about ourselves as we contribute to the environmental movement and humanitarian efforts made my individuals who are not sitting at Starbucks drinking decaf mocha Java espressos.

It has occurred to me while sitting in my College Writing 1 class how different my world view is as a follower of Jesus than a secularist. My prof regularly asks questions like "who are we", "what is the self", and "what is the purpose of reflexivity?". These are all very good, and essential questions to ask as humans. But my prof's answers to those questions directly contradict mine.

My prof's answers:

Who am I? I am made up of all my past experiences. My past experiences define me.

What is the self? The self is the "core I" that has been buried under all of my past experiences. The experiences have shaped me so much that it is difficult to know when the "Core I" or the "true self" emerges.

What is the purpose of reflexivity? To achieve a greater self- awareness and better understand the "core I".


My answers, which are what God has declared in His Word

Who am I? I am Joshua Nims, a son of the Most High God, a friend of Jesus Christ, and a co-heir to the universe. (Ephesians 1:5-10, Colossians 3:1)

What is the self? The self is who God had uniquely made me to be. I am defined by who God created me to be and the spirit He put in me. My past experiences do not define me because my past has been redeemed by the blood of Jesus. (Psalm 139, specifically verse 14, Ephesians 1, Romans 6-8)


What is the purpose of being reflexive? There is no need to discover any new self awareness because there is none. I am a son of God. My purpose is to love Jesus and love people. Nothing else matters. (Matthew 22:38)


All this comes down the one question that my prof and I answer very differently. Where is my true home? Is my true home this Earth? Or is it in God's eternal Kingdom? If my home is this earth, and there is no life after death, then my professors answers to these questions make sense.

But I have experienced the living God, and I know that this place I am confined by in this temporal body is not my eternal home. My residence is in Heaven, with Jesus Christ.


2 Corinthians 5:1-5

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come."

Ephesians 2:19-22

"Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit"

Our perspective has everything to do with how we live and how we view people. I am finding this out more and more as each day passes.


from the coffee shop down the street,

JN

The Heart of Life

Life is funny. It has been speeding up on me these past few months. Really this entire year it has felt like life has been moving at an incredible pace. My 19th year started here in the home I grew up in. 2 weeks later I was in a car driving to Ohio to start my internship with Off The Wall Ministry. The next 11 months were filled with beautiful friendships being made, many moments when I could not contain my laughter and ended up on the floor, many mistakes, but many learning experiences above all else.
It feels like I packed 5 years into the last one, and I did not realize this until I came home this weekend.

The Heart of Life by John Mayer is one of my favorite songs. It is the title of my blog.

"I hate to see you cry
Lying there in that position
There's things you need to hear
So turn off your tears and listen

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good

You know it's nothing new
Bad news never had good timing
Then the circle of your friends
Will defend the silver lining

Pain throws your heart to the ground
Love turns the whole thing around
No, it won't all go the way it should
But I know the heart of life is good"


I love the chorus. Pain throws your heart to the ground. love turns the whole thing around. No, it won't go all the way it should... but I know the Heart of Life is good.

I have been reflecting on my life this weekend. Specifically, the 19 years before I moved to Ohio. Those memories are one of the most precious gift God has given me. Through them, I see how God has worked in me and reflecting on His goodness in my life, He brings me a sense of peace, joy, and....contentment. I would agree with Henry David Thoreau when he says regarding being content in life:

simplify, simplify, simplify


May you know that you are loved by the Creator. May you meditate on that truth and embrace His love. He gives us so many good things in life. Flowers. Trees. Laughter. Family. Books. Music. Sunsets. Feelings. Love.

But the best gift of all us Himself. With out that, all else is a chasing after the wind. We are blown in every direction because we don't have a Rock to stand on.
May Jesus be your Rock, and may you know that the Heart of Life is good.



JN

Jesus and me

Today is the eve of my twentieth year of life. Tomorrow I will no longer be a teenager. A crazy thought. I have been thinking about if for the last few months. It hit me yesterday when I looked in the mirror how quickly time is passing. I got a flashback to my sophomore year in high school when I chose to skip a section of MCAS testing to sit in a bathroom stall and pray. That moment feels like it was only a few months ago. It was over 3 years. I was 16.

In the short 20 years of my life, I have come to know one truth about life. Jesus.
If there is anything that right now I can confidently say about who I am, it is that Jesus Christ is the most important person in my life. Although I do not always live in a manner that would bring Him glory, I know He loves me. He loves me regardless of what I have done and what I will do. He loves me the way I am. He loves me.

I have a hard time understanding that truth. But I do not think it is only meant to be understood. I think it is meant to be felt.

Jesus Christ is the only thing that makes me wake up and get out of bed in the morning. I do not know what I would do if I had to live one day without Him. I would want to die if that was the case.

"He is no fool who gives what he cannot keep to gain what he cannot lose"

-Jim Elliot, died after being speared though the heart by a native people group in Ecuador in the 1940's. He was a husband and a father, and one of the first missionaries to Ecuador.

I pray that the Church of America would not desire to die for the gospel, but that we would live for it.

Whenever I leave this Earth, I know it is because God is done with me down here. I know that my death is in His Sovereign plan, and until that day comes, (or maybe it won't!!) there is work to be done.

"Our Father,
who art in Heaven,
Hallowed be Thy name,
Thy Kingdom come,
Thy will be done,
on earth as it is in heaven.
Give us our day our daily bread,
and forgive our trespasses as we forgives those who trespass against us.
Lead us not into temptation but deliver us from evil.
For Thine is the Kingdom, the power, and the glory, forever and ever.

Amen"

"All authority in Heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you. Do not worry, I will be with you to the very end of the age"

-Jesus Christ





embarking on a new journey of life in my 20th year,


Curtis Joshua Ernest Nims

life

its been a weird few weeks. long. awesome. tiresome. shocking. all at the same time. School has started up for me. It is the fourth week and it is in full gear. So is life.

It is crazy to me how many things can be happening at once time. Sometimes i don't know how we handle it all. I am supposed to be writing an essay for my College Writing class right now, but I feel i need to get my thoughts on paper. so this is the closest thing to paper i got at the moment.

Note: this blog will be just some of my random thoughts about life. i probably won't spell check it.

blogging is werid. liek i have this space and i can put anything i want on it and anyone can read it. i realize that. but at the same time, it is just a bunch of letters strung together in a sequence that delivers a message. what i write goes deeper that what appears on my screen. i can't put my full heart on a web page. i don't even know sometimes what is going on in my heart, or if anything is going on.

sometimes i really suck at listening to people. i have my own agenda sometimes about what i want to talk about. listening is really hard

i think friendships are the most important thing god has given us down here. i dont understand why i am so drawn to value money above faith.

in the midst of these thoughts, i think about what it means to be selfless. is being selfless, me confessing things on my blog for the whole world to see if I want them to tell me how "genuine" or "unselfish" i am? something i have been thinking about lately.

god is really creative. i laughed a lot this week at how different men and women are.


what does good mean? how do we know?

was that question to existential for you? do i even know what existential means?

i have to go to the bathroom really bad. and i am getting a text. i am going to kill two birds with one stone.


...and then write that english paper.


my name is actually curtis, not joshua

C(J)EN

my thoughts on what it means to give Jesus everything

I have been wondering the last few days... do we really get it? I mean Christianity. Do we really love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and strive to love our neighbor as ourself? How do we live out our love for Christ in the midst of a materialistic and egotistical 21st century post modern society?

So many people in our country claim to have faith these days. Some even say they have faith in Jesus as their Lord and Savior. But what do their lives look like? How do we know we delight in Jesus, and nothing more? Is my deepest desire to be with Jesus? Do I want Jesus more than anything else?

I was thinking about that yesterday... whether I love Jesus and want Him more than anything else. If I am being honest with myself, then sadly, there is one aspect of my future life (hopefully) that is right up there with Jesus. Jesus calls us to give him everything. We don't like that in America. There are days where I am like "Why, Lord do I have to give you everything?". It sucks. Lets be real here. The process of sanctification absolutely sucks. Conviction, repentance, vulnerability, and rawness is painful. But the funny thing is, the more you repent and give your life to Christ daily, the more freeing it becomes... until... He shows you that one thing you are still holding on to. In my case, that one thing is marriage. I want to get married someday and have a family with a woman I am crazy in love with. But I also think that I am holding onto marriage for myself, not for Christ. Now, I do not believe this is a bad, or a sinful desire. It can remain selfish or can be conformed to the glory of God. It says in Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." What I believe God wants from me, is for me to give Him my desire to get married. He wants me to trust Him that if He chooses not to bless me with a woman after His own heart, then He has another plan in my life that will bring Him glory. And If I love Jesus, then I should be willing to submit to whatever that plan is.

Now, I really hope that God chooses to give me a wife. But if He does not, I have to be okay with that. Marriage is not eternal. It is temporary. Making disciples is eternal and will matter in the Kingdom. It is funny...the man who told me that, is the only man I know who I believe when he says that he has no desire to get married and only serve Christ in making disciples. But that is a hard truth to grasp and believe and take joy in for a guy like me, who is a sucker for romantic movies and wants nothing more on Earth than to grow old with a woman, serving the Lord together faithfully until we die or He comes.

"If any of you does not renounce all he has, he cannot be my disciple"
Luke 14:33


The cost of discipleship is a high price. It costs us everything. But it is worth it. We get Jesus, the one who made it possible for me to sit in this coffee shop on this lap top and type as I breathe in oxygen to my lungs and process what I am writing and at the same time thing about all the other things I have to do today. We get Jesus in eternity. Forever. And I know in my heart there is nothing more valuable on Earth than that.


JN

Sunday

My favourite day of the week. The day of rest. The day of refreshment. The day I hear Don Stubbs sing trashy girl pop in a tank top at the Troyers house as he puts way to much cream and sugar in his coffee. (this is actually happening now).

It is a day that God set apart. Some scholars debate that God did not rest on the 7th day, but He ceased from creating. If God ceased, or rested, wouldn't you think it is important that we do? No. Rephrase that. Isn't it necessary that we do?

This day is a necessity for me. After 6 days of going 100 miles an hour and trying to accomplish as much as I can, I need a day where I can just sit, drink the company of people I love, and enjoy the beauty of rest and leisure. This is the day where I cease from thinking about tomorrow and what the week will bring.

If you do not have a day of Sabbath (it does not need to be Sunday), you need one. God chose to rest. And we need to as well.

So today, enjoy the people you love, drink the company, go for a walk, smell the flowers, and thank your Lord for a new day of life. And don't even think about tomorrow. Because it may not come.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it self. Each day has enough trouble on its own. But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well"

Matthew 6

enjoy the beauty of today,

JN

pace of life

Sometime last winter, Don, Correy, Seth and I were hanging out in the kitchen talking. It was a late December night. I remember it was really cold. Don was talking to us about something pretty important. I only remember this because I got really, really excited. Sometimes, actually most of the time, when I get excited about something (especially Jesus), I often forget about what is around me and tend to break things. On that night, Don said something that got me really fired up and I jumped up onto our counter in the kitchen and instantly it snapped. It was a cheap marble knock off, but it just split right in two. I sunk into where the dishwasher was for a second and then got off. I was like "oh crap. not again". Everyone just started laughing, and then I joined them.

Things like this happen to me a lot. I break stuff. I wouldn't say I am a clumsy guy. I am more mis fortunate and reckless than anything. Like yesterday for instance. The Off The Wall team went over to a friends house for lunch. Our friend has a beautiful home in Stonecreek, Ohio, with lots of hills. He also has a trampoline. After I had finished eating Italian sausage over the fire, I ran over to his trampoline a few yards away. Lincoln was jumping on it at the time. I yelled at him to get off because I wanted to try something cool. So, as Lincoln jumped off, I started sprinting toward the trampoline from about 25 yards away. As I got closer and closer and prepared myself to jump onto it, i visualized what I was going to do. I would jump about 3 feet from the trampoline and my momentum would propel me forward and up. I would hit the middle and bounce a good 10 feet in the air, and then land on the grass on the other side of the trampoline. But this did not happen. My feet did not do what I thought they would.

As I approached the trampoline running at about 3/4 speed, my feet slipped on the grass. (I had bare feet). I had momentum all right, and it propelled my feet to jet out from under me and my body crashed into the metal side of the trampoline, feet first. I was really surprised when it happened, and sort of didn't know what was going on as I dangled upside down somehow attached to the trampoline. Lincoln and Travis howled with laughter as I stepped onto the grass, trying to get myself together.

What these stories have in common, along with many, many other stories is that I tend to move to fast in life. Why this is, I don't know. My mind gets working, and I get excited about something I guess. My body just moves fast. But my fastness does not only lead me to break things. It also makes it really hard for me to slow down, and enjoy the simplicity of life. I love life, but I live it at an unnecessarily fast pace.

It is ironic. The times when I feel God is distant, are usually the times when I am moving so fast, that I never be still and know that He is God. God can meet us where we are at. But He says again and again, that He desires to meet us in the stillness, in the silence, and in the quiet.

This morning I woke up at 5:30 and went down stairs. No one was up yet. Usually, the first thing I do in the morning is check my email, facebook, and ESPN to see if the Redsox are any closer to making the playoffs (still 5 games out of first, but there still is a month left). But today, I spent some time with Jesus alone. No music, no internet, just me and the Word. It was really refreshing. I read the first 2 chapters of Ephesians, a few Psalms and 1 Corinthians 15.

God desires that we enjoy every minute of every day. He desires that we reflect on Him, and what He has done and is doing in our lives. This year, I hope to learn to discipline myself to slow down. A goal of mine is that I live at a slower pace of life.

It all starts with this.

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10


JN

theology

The last year of my life, I have really been wrestling though some parts of theology, specifically Calvinism, Arminianism, and Partially Open Theism. Now I am not going to try to explain anything on this post, so if the first sentence disinterested you, then don't fear! I won't bore you (although I think theology and philosophy is fascinating).

Through many discussions, debates, and dialogs with friends and mentors, I have come to the conclusion that I don't understand God, and I will never understand Him, even in eternity. So as much as I want to sometimes, it will never happen. It is funny. After a year of talking, thinking, and getting frustrated with all this stuff, I have arrived where I began. That God is mysterious and I will never fully know Him in His entirety. But, though all the discussion, I feel like I have learned how to think more biblically, and in that, glorify God with my mind. I think I have a relativity decent grasp on the Calvinistic, Arminean, and Partially Open Theism views. But I do not affirm any one of them in their entirety. In fact, I would not label myself as a Calvinist, or Arminiean, or Partially Open theist. I would label myself as a follower and disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

Theology is great. But it is temporary. It is not eternal. As one of my good friends put it "theology is for us, not God". It helps us form our views of God and definitely does influence our lives here on Earth, but it will not dictate where we spend eternity. Only our faith in Jesus Christ as the second person of the trinity, Lord, Savior, Master, Friend, and God matters. More simply put, what we believe about Jesus matters.

I just wanna love Jesus and make disciples until He comes back. Our relationship with Jesus is more important than our systematic theology. So are people. Systematic theology is secondary.

I felt like I just wanna get all that out there. It feels good to know that God is in control, His Spirit is at work in the lives of me, and my brothers and sisters in Christ around the world, and that His Son is returning. Soon.

Until He comes,

JN

struggles and growth

Recently, there have been a few moments where I have just stopped, reflected, and marveled at Jesus and how He has worked in my life. Living in biblical community is challenging at times. There have been times this past year where I have wanted to get on a plane and just go home. There have been times when I have questioned my reasons for not going straight to college and instead jumping into a discipleship ministry setting. There have been a few times when I have not understood what God was doing in my life this year.

About 2 weeks ago, my mom took me to Logan airport as I was to return to New Philadelphia, Ohio for my second year with Off The Wall Ministry. I had just spent 6 weeks with my family. We went to Martha's vineyard, California, and Hawaii this past summer. It was the longest time I had been with them since I left for OTW in October of 2009. It was hard to want to go back to Ohio that day. I didn't want to. I wished that my time with OTW was over and that I could start up college at home and live with my parents. Those feelings had nothing to do with the Off The Wall staff. It was just the fact that I missed my parents and sister so much, I didn't want to think about going another year living away from them. I actually cried as I walked to the gate and got on the plane. I have not cried in a long time.

Now, 2 weeks later, I am sitting in a cabin in Alaska on a mission trip with Off The Wall. My heart has changed in the last 2 weeks. The Lord has showed me that when I am self-focused, meaning, when I am only thinking about what I want in my life, then I will never be content. Now, I feel excited for every day. I realize there will be times when I miss my family, and when I probably will cry. But I have grown to love my new community so much, I know they will walk with me through any feelings I have. They are my second family now.

There is a verse in James that Christians don't like to talk about. But it is truth.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith will produce steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

This is so much truth to this verse. In the last to weeks, I feel as though the Lord has grown my love for Him through putting me back in Ohio, a place where I did not intend to come back to for a second year.

I want to commit the next 2 years of my life to Jesus at Off The Wall. I don't know what it will look like. But I believe the Lord is doing a work in and through Off The Wall Ministry, and He wants me to be apart of it. At least for a little bit longer.

I think through all of this, this past year, I am learning how to love God with my heart. Me, being such a head guy, has trouble letting my heart compel me to act. I really want to be here for two more years. And it not just my head saying "it would be a good thing to learn to commit to something." It is my heart telling me that this is the right place at the right time.

So, I don't really know how to end this entry. This one was more for me to articulate and get down my thoughts. Thanks to all of you who read this thing. I never know who is on here. I pray that my life would point to Jesus. That is my reason for everything.

In Him,


JN

You're Beautiful

There is a song out by Phil Wickham called You're Beautiful. It may be one of the most emotionally stimulation songs I have ever heard. He paints a beautiful picture of what entering into to Presence of God might be like. If you get a chance to listen to it, do it. It is my favorite song right now.

Here are the lyrics:

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful (x2)

I see Your face,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

beauty

I am writing this from a cabin in Alaska. Snow crested mountains surround this cozy home in the middle of the woods. I have always dreamed of living in a place like this, and now I think I understand why some people move away from metropolitan areas, and spend their entire lives surrounded by beauty.

Beauty is an interesting word. Webster defines it as "something or someone that gives pleasure to the senses". We use beautiful to describe a sunrise, or a mountain, or a snowfall. We also use it to describe a person's appearance. I think it is more than something ascetically appealing.

Is beauty limited to finite objects? Is beauty more than a word used to describe? I think beauty must derive from something, it must derive someone... someone that is not confined by time or matter.

In the opening paragraph of the gospel of John, John declares Jesus as the Word, and he says "The Word was God. All things were made through Him, and without him was not anything made that was made." Paul calls Jesus the "Lord over all creation" in Colossians 1:15.

I think humans recognize beauty in things and people, because the One who embodies beauty, The Beautiful One, is beautiful. He made the earth beautiful, because He in essence is beauty, and His creation reflects His beauty.

May the Beautiful One captive your heart and your life today.

JN

The biggest life lesson I learned this past year with Off the Wall

So I have had a really busy summer. That is part of the reason I haven't went on this blog since June. Now, almost 2 months later, I feel like there is a lot I need to write. Many things can happen in 2 months, and when life gets busy, usually changes happen.

I feel like every other day I have either been driving somewhere or flying somewhere. In the wee hours of this past Wednesday morning, I stepped off an airplane from Denver and set foot in my home state, Massachusetts for the first time in 2 weeks. Earlier this summer, my parents surprised me by telling me that we were going to Maui, Hawaii as a family for a week after we spent a week in California. I haven't been to Hawaii since I was one, so I don't remember it. I really enjoyed our trip to Hawaii.

I had a lot of time to reflect. There were a few mornings when I woke up really early and couldn't get back to sleep. We had a condo right on the beach, so our porch looked right out at the Pacific Ocean and another Hawaiian Island. It was the most beautiful view from a porch I have ever seen. Anyway, so I got thinking and praying. It was about 5 am and the sun was just starting to come up. I thought about my life. I thought about highschool, and my year with Off The Wall Ministry in Ohio. I thought about this next year where I am going to be going to college at Kent State University while remaining at the Off The Wall house. I thought about how I want to be a high school teacher and a basketball coach, and how I am going to make that possible. I thought about marriage. I think about marriage a lot. I know I am not even 20, but at my age, I guess most people start to think about it. I thought about how I love all the relationships the Lord has brought into my life this past year. I really miss them. I really miss my Ohio crew. Honestly, two months ago, I was so ready to leave Ohio. I needed time away. I needed time with my parents, my sister, and my really good friends that have known me my entire life. But then, that morning on the porch in Maui, I realized I was ready to go back, and I really wanted to go back. I actually would have rather been in Ohio for the last 2 days of my Maui vacation.

And it is so ironic that I say that. 1 year ago, I established the direction of life by going somewhere. I wanted to go to college in Colorado because I love the place. I wanted to spend 3 months in Switzerland because of the alps. I wanted to go to Costa Rica for the summer because of the rain forest, mountains, and beach. God knew that my heart sought after an adventure with Him, not just Him. The idea of adventure thrilled me more than the Creator (who is the creator of adventure). I have come to see this past year that following Jesus has little to do with your physical destination. It has everything to do with the people who accompany you. The relationships I have with my team in Ohio mean more than any vacation to Hawaii or any mountain I could climb.

I couldn't think of any other title for this blog other than the reason I am writing it. So, this biggest lesson I learned this year in Ohio, is, that relationships are far more important, fulfilling, and joyful than any experience I could ever have alone.

My relationship with the Lord needs so much more growth. Much of the time I feel like I love God with my head, but not my heart. I am still learning what it means to love God with everything, specifically my heart. And as good old John Piper would say,

(this is me paraphrasing)

"your love for God is not defined by what you do, or what you say. You know you truly love Him if at the very base of your soul, your deepest desire is Christ, and He is your utmost affection, joy and happiness"

I probably totally butchered that quote.


So, I am very excited to get back to Ohio. The smell of cow manure and corn awaits me, and I can't wait to greet it.

As for the direction of my life, this is what I know:

I am starting my freshmen year of college in the fall at Kent State University
My ambition is to become a high school teacher, either in Math, History, or English
I want to coach Varsity basketball as well
If the Lord directs me to a life in overseas missions, I would be ecstatic.
But If I am called to stay in the States, raise a family, and impact and disciple high schoolers, I will do that joyfully until He returns.

I have no 5 year plan. Anything could change. I don't know what tomorrow brings. Living in the present, preparing for the future is all I can do.

I love Jesus, I love the life He has given me to life, and I am ready to rock and roll.


JN

Wow. Its been a while since I last wrote a blog. It is funny how in our lives, there are stretches of time when life seems stagnant or "normal" for use of a better word. And then something happens and life seems to pick up and get interesting or exciting. I used to really live on those moments, when it's like life is thriving and new, exciting things are being birthed in me and others around me. But this past year here in Ohio, for the most part life has been slow, steady, and simple. I have learned to appreciate it.

I want to share a story that happened to me about 3 weeks ago. It really encouraged me then, and I have been meaning to get it on here. About 3 weeks ago, I got a car up in Boston and flew home and then the following day, drove it back to Ohio with my parents.

I was flying out of Akron-Canton airport, a small regional airport with about only 10 gates. Luckily, they have cheap flights to Boston, and Akron is only 30 minutes away. AirTran hadn't assigned me a seat, so I had the luxury of choosing it for myself. I looked at all the seats on the plane, and their was a row in the back that was completely open, so I chose the window seat, expecting to be comfortably undisturbed for the flight to Boston. I love the window seat. I always have. I remember as a little kid flying over the Rockies and just starting at the mountains below. When we flew to China, I was always mesmerized by the mountains of clouds and the gigantic expanse of the blue waters of the Pacific below.

So I boarded the plane, found my seat, sat down, and looked out the window at all the guys loading our baggage onto the plain. As the plane filled up, the two seats next to me were still empty, and it was looking like I would be alone in my row, the way I wanted it. Sometimes I like talking to strangers on a plane, but that day, I just wanted to be alone in my thoughts looking out the window.

Just then, I see this old Chinese couple walk down the aisle approaching my empty row. I quickly looked around and saw that there were no empty seats anywhere except next to me, and realized that my hopes of a quiet flight home were destroyed. The couple was gabbing loudly in Mandarin and I thought to my self "they probably don't even speak English. I am going to have to have to listen to them talk the whole way home."

As the husband sat down in my row in the seat next to me, he turned, looked at me, and said "Happy Wednesday!, we are flying on a good day today! My name is John Wei. How are you." I was like "Oh crap. I am actually going to have to talk to this guy now." So politely, I told him I was doing well and flying home to Boston. Then He started asking me all the typical questions. "Where do you live now? Are you in school? What do you want to study?"

I told him I was with Off The Wall Ministry and planned to go to Kent State in the fall and eventually get a Secondary Ed. degree. Then he got really interested, and asked me about Off The Wall. I soon realized that this man was a fellow Christian and brother in the Lord. I felt bad about originally not wanting to talk. I knew he and his wife were from China because I recognized the tone of the language to be Mandarin. So I thought what the heck, why not see where in China they were from. Maybe they will know where Hefei is. (That is the city where my parents taught for 3 years). John told me that He only grew up in China for a few years and then came to America when he was a little boy and he doesn't remember much. So I told him that my parents were missionaries over there for 4 years. His wife asked me where. I told here in the Anhui province, in Hefei. Immediately his wife looks at me and goes "That is where my mother lives!".

I was dumbfounded. I just chuckled and laughed at God's humor. I ended up talking to John the whole way home. We pulled out a bible and shared our favorite verses with each other. We prayed for each other and exchanged out contact info. I hope to be in touch with him.

When I got to Logan Airport in Boston I just laughed as I told my paretns the story. They were just as amazed as I was.

It was a great reminder that God is God. He knows what He is doing. He has a plan for our lives. And He cares deeply about us. He knew I didn't really want to talk. He knew I needed to be encouraged. So he sent a Chinese couple who has been to the same city in China where I lived, to encourage me and fellowship for the plane ride.

I have a feeling that God isn't done with China in my life. He keeps bringing it back up. I see that more as I get older. Maybe one day I will go back and teach English and share the gospel, just like my parents. I am open to that, and whatever else The Lord would do.


thats it for now,

JN

change of perspective

It has been a while since I posted a blog. Partly because the spring schedule has kicked into full gear and partly because there has been nothing I wanted to blog about.

Today, I went for a run. It was a beautiful day, and there is a route I really like that takes me out of New Philly proper and into some farmland. It is about a 4 1/2 mile total run. About two miles in, just as I had run out of the city, I turned left onto a long narrow road that went right though a field. I had my Ipod in and was running at a comfortable pace, but I could not help but marvel at the fields to my left and right full of yellow daisy's. I have never seen the color yellow like that before! So, I stopped, and just stood there for a while. I walked the rest of the way on that road, and didn't really feel like running again. I didn't really care about finishing my run. Giving thanks to the Creator for the beauty of His creation was so much more desirable.

Isn't that what we do in our spiritual lives too? So often I find myself going so fast that I miss what is around me. For example, today in my weekly meeting with Don and Travis, I told them I haven't read anything in Scripture that has "stuck out". I think part of the reason that is, is that I read through the Word so fast that I don't even have an opportunity to take in it's beauty.

In his latest book, Primal, Mark Batterson talks about perspective in relation to the Word of God. He says:

The French writer Jacques Reda had a peculiar habit. He used to walk the streets of Paris with the intention of seeing one new thing each day. It was the way he renewed his love for the city. I think we need to renew out love for God the same way. Our love grows as we discover new dimensions of His personality, and His personality is primarily revealed in the pages of Scripture.

What if we approached Scripture the way Jacques Reda walked the streets of Paris?


So, I want to challenge myself, to really put myself in the stories of God's Story. I think I might find beauty that I completely missed.


JN

reflecting

Its crazy how fast time goes. I have been looking back through my facebook pictures this morning. It really is crazy. I am 19 years old. In 6 months I will be 20. I honestly cannot believe it. I won't be a teenager anymore. This past year has moved faster than any other year in my life. A year ago I was pacing around the halls of my highschool in the middle of class searching for a way to escape. Now, I would give anything to go back to those moments, and to enjoy them. Yeah, high school sucked for the most part, but there were those moments that are really special.

It is just crazy how fast this last year has gone. I graduated highschool, then went to Compass. I spent 10 days hiking in the Adirondacks, and then went to Costa Rica. I got home, went to NYC for a few days, then Soulfest. 2 weeks later I was in Colorado and Wyoming with my family for vacation. Then I got my wisdom teeth pulled out. And a few weeks later I left for Ohio. I've lived in Ohio for 6 months. I have grown so much. I can't even remember the kid I was when I came here.

Yesterday, I got my Ohio drivers license. They took my Massachusetts one away. This place is home now... wow.


I really miss my first home! There is this memory of highschool that always brings a smile to my face when I think about it. It was one of the proms I went to. It was my junior prom, which was actually 2 years ago. I remember looking around the room, and seeing all of my friends, dressed up. The guys, in tuxes, the girls in dresses. I took this girl named Aleigh. She looked incredible that night. I was probably really awkward... I had on a pink vest and a pink tie. And I don't know how to dance. I am more of a flailer. I remember sitting at the table eating dinner that night before the dance got going. There were way to many forks. I think I ate with my hands for most of the meal. I remember seeing Sy and Christi across the table from me. Dan Mulley was on my right. And Aleigh on my left. Luke was making the rounds to all the tables, as usual. That memory us at the table will be instilled in my mind forever. I wonder, if 25 years from now, that same group will be reunited at our highschool reunion. I can picture that day. All of us reminiscing about the past 25 years, wishing we could turn back time....

It just struck me that night at the table. Highschool isn't going to last forever.

So right now I am sitting on my porch in New Philaelphia, Ohio, about exactly 2 years later. Im watching all these cars go by. I wish I could go back in time. You know how sometimes you dream that you could watch yourself in the past? I wanna do that. I wanna watch myself that night. I wanna watch myself do some weird 80's discos dance while everyone around me is grinding. I wanna laugh at my awful table manners. I wanna watch myself take in the moment.

Wow. There it is. Taking in the moment. I have not done that for so long. It has been a constant "what is happening next?". "What is the next thing?".

I haven't just sat and soaked life in.


I read something today I just loved. It went something like this.

when we plan out our life, we miss God's plans for us. We miss what God has right in front of us.


Ireally don't wanna plan out my life. When I really think about it... wow. It would suck. Knowing exactly what is going to happen to me 5 years from now. Knowing what I will do next week? I don't want to know!

:)

I am going to go drink the company, smell the flowers, and take in the beauty of today.


I wrote this about a year ago. Its a song of mine that I don't ever play for some reason. I am going to start playing it again.


this is the memory
of what I failed to see
I thought I'd broke down
no chance of higher ground

each breath a mystery
unsure of being me
I was tring trying to figure out
what this life's about

is there more pain to breathe
is it worth living my own dreams
I've been feeling so empty
until He set me free

is this reality
cause now i sing

slow down... and look around
at what is right in front of me
what i didn't see
everything i thought i was
is now a memory of who i used to be

i've fallen out, of what i thought i was
i've figured it out now i look up to the clouds
and see the sight, of an everlasting dawn

i'll be waiting on West Beach
for the answer to one thing

you'll find me on the rocks
taking it in and giving it back
seeking a place to be and a Face to see
a Face that's changed me


JN

dawn over New Philly

I awoke at 5 am this morning. I was in the bathroom last night and I realized that in the past 6 months, I have never went on a morning adventure and watched the black morning sky get swallowed up by the dawn. So, I decided that today, I would change it up a bit, spend the first few hours of my day with The Lord, watching Him put the morning into motion.

I left the house by 5:30. I wasn't really sure what time the sun rose, I just figured it would be sometime within the hour. There is this hug hill that overlooks New Philly. I think it is about 1000 feet. There is this cell tower on the top of it, and there is this cliff that just drops straight down into the mucky river below. It is my favorite place in New Philly. It is really the only place I can go if I want to get completely alone. It is a long bike ride up there. It took me about 20 minutes, and most of it is an uphill stretch around the back side of the hill.

I think I got to the top around 6 o'clock. It was pitch black. The stars were still out. I really was amazing. If i looked to the west, I saw the bigger dipper, and in the distance, the outline of route 39 which leads into Amish Country. To the East, was New Philly, all lit up. Most of the 50,000 people below me were still asleep.

It took a while for the sun to rise. It actually rose at 7:33, so I was there for about an hour and a half. But it was awesome. When the light was bright enough for me to see, I flipped open my Bible, and read a few Psalms. I then read a passage in Hebrews I had never read before. I think it is pretty sweet. I'll share it with you.

Hebrews 12:18-29 says

You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, because they could not bear what was commanded: "If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned." The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, "I am trembling with fear."

But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens." The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire."


Just think about that. We are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken. God is going to shake the heavens soon. I cannot image the chaos that will happen when the One that holds everything together, decides to let loose. I don't know what God will do, but I can just imagine planets exploding and colliding with each other. The battle of Armageddon will be a cosmic battle. God will restore everything. Its gonna be sweet.

Every time I think about the Kingdom of Heaven I get so excited. I encourage you to read Hebrews 11 and 12 today. It pumps me up and encourages me.

I am learning a lot about life. Living in contentment, specificaly, is a lesson that God is teaching me right now. Check tomorrow for a blog about that. Ohio is really beautiful in the spring. I really miss my hometown back in Mass. When I was highschool I always said that I hated where I grew up and I never knew why anyone would choose to live there. I think one of the reasons God stuck me in small town Ohio to teach me to appreciate where I grew up. I really miss it. I haven't seen the ocean for a few months.



That is about it for this blog. Sunrises over cities are pretty amazing. Catch one if you can. It is worth the 5 am wake up.


JN

Psalm 37:4

Psalm 37:4 has been a life verse for me for a long time. It is the main reason I live in Ohio right now.

I remember the day I decided to take a leap of faith and commit to coming to Off The Wall Ministry.

A little background on my journey to OTW:
My best friend, and the closest thing I have to a brother, Mike Tulimiero, had invited me to come up to his school, Portsmouth Christian Academy, in Dover, New Hampshire to hear this guy named Don Stubbs speak. It was March 2009, just one year ago. It was around Easter, and Don had been speaking at PCA's spiritual epmhasis week for about 3 or 4 years. Don used to work in the inner city of Chicago helping street kids for 17 years with Inner City Impact, and a ministry that he co-launched called GRIP.

In the summer of 2008, Mike and his brother, Chris, were invited by Don to spend a week in Chicago helping GRIP. At the time, Don was mentoring this weird white guy from Ohio who thinks he is black and is really good at basketball, being ripped, driving a sick Mazda and just about everything else he does named Travis.

I remember the day Mike left for Chicago. I was in his kitchen. We were talking. He couldn't stop raving about how cool and godly this guy Don was. All Mike really needed to say was that Don was black and loves Jesus. That would have been enough for me. But he continued to talk about Don for an hour, so naturally, I put up with him and listened. (I wanted to tell him to shut up so we could go play Frisbee or something after he had been talking for 45 minutes. I don't even think I got a full sentence in that conversation.)

It is funny. That day in the kitchen, Mike was leaving for Chicago for his first short term mission trip. The next day, I left for New Orleans for my first short term mission trip. God used both of those mission trips to teach us a lot.

So about 3 weeks later we both we back in Hamilton. I think we had a sleepover. Oh yeah... he slept over my house. We walked down to my old elementary school at 1 am. My parents didn't know.

I remember just sitting on these rocks, looking up into the heavens with by best friend. Mike marveled at how in love with Jesus Don is. I just sat there, listening to Mike, marveling at God's handiwork in the night sky. (I think I was listening that night.)

Anyway, flash forward a year to last March. Mike invited me to go to PCA for the Easter service. Don was speaking and Mike was leading worship. The Easter service was on a Friday. I remember I got a call the Monday night from Mike. He asked me if I wanted to come up the next day because there was a small get together at Collen Bressen's house with about 10 PCA students. Don and Travis were going to be there. So I told Mike I obviously would skip school the next day. Mike's Dad picked me up, drove me an hour up to NH. I remember that day so vividly. That was one of a few divine appointments in my life that changed everything. I always wonder what God was doing that day. He was probably smiling. I never knew that that interaction with Don Stubbs would change the direction of my life forever.

Mike and I pulled up to the Bressen's, house. I walked up to the door. It was a huge house. As I walked in, I saw a ripped black guy smiling, sitting on a stool with sweat pants and jeans. That was the first time I saw Don Stubbs. Next to him was the weird white guy from Ohio who was good at everything and used to work for the Charlotte Bobcats, Travis. I sat down next to Don. After Mike introduced me, Don looked directly at me, and grinned. "What are the three thing you appreciate the most about Mike, Josh?" he asked.

I was a little surprised, after all I was sitting among 10 kids that I did not really know, asked on the spot to compliment my best friend. So I told Don that Mike is ripped. Everyone sort of laughed, because they all knew it was true. Don said something like "Yeah... Mike T is pretty jacked." Travis just smiled. Personally, I think Travis was a little jealous because Mike was in better shape then him at the time. I don't know about now. I will have to find out. I will make both of them wrestle or something.

Anyway, the night went on. I just remember sitting there, listening to Don talk about Jesus. Every now and then Travis would give some really awesome insight. I had never met to men who were really really cool and loved Jesus. After about an hour of hanging out, everyone started to leave. I asked Don if I could spend the night. He said I could only if we talked about Jesus all night. I was more than fine with that, but Mike and I had to go.

The next day, PCA had 5 hours of standardized testing. So I was left alone at the school from 6 till 11. I remember there was this inlet of water near the school, and this rocky shore. I walked down there, and read my bible. A few hours later, I found myself laying in a field looking up at the sky, just thanking God for all the things he had done in my life.

Then I got the call. It was Mrs. T. She told me that Don wanted to talk to me. He and Travis were waiting in the library. So I got up, ran as fast as I could to the library, and found Don and Travis sitting there with coffee. I sat down. Don asked me about my plans for next year.

At the time, I wanted to spend my year off with Youth With a Mission, hiking and living in the Sierra Nevada Mountains in California for 3 months, and then going on a 3 month mission trip do work with an orphanage and share the gospel with the people of Naryn, Kyrgyzstan. What I really wanted was an adventure. I wanted escape. I wanted to leave the little down I grew up in. I did not want to ask God what He wanted for me.

So I told Don about YWAM. And then He described Off The Wall, and that he had just launched it with Travis in Holmes County, Ohio. He told me that it is an open door if YWAM doesn't ever work out. Don never persuaded me to come. He did not even ask me. He just said that it is an open door.

So I went home and told my parents all about Don and Trav and OTW. They were interested, so on Good Friday, we drove back up to NH so my family could meet them. Don and Trav ended up driving back down and spending the night with my family at my house in Hamilton.

I prayed about what do to for 2 months. Go to YWAM or go with OTW. I was expecting God to write me a letter and spell out what His will was for me. The funny thing is, He already wrote the best Love Letter in the world that does explain His will for me...the Bible.

I remember this day so vividly. I had just come home from school. I was sitting in my truck. I needed to make a decision. I asked God to give me something. So I flipped open the Bible. I have always loved the Psalms. I usually read them every morning. I went to Psalm 37, one I had not read for a while. Then I saw it. Verse 4. "Delight your self in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." If my delight is in God, then it was okay for me to go to Ohio. So I called up Don, and told Him I was coming. 2 weeks later, I got a call from the director of YWAM Bishop. He told me that the base was not running that year because of some leadership issues and that he would refund my application check.

That was not the only time Psalm 37:4 spoke to me. But this blog is running a little long. And I am going to go for a run because the sun is shining. Spring in New Philly is really beautiful, especially at Tuscora Park. The jungle gym is always really inviting. I just hope no one tells me to get off because I am not 5 years old. Oh well.


That's it for now,

JN