prayer

I am not really sure how to write this post. God showed me something yesterday. It might be hard for me to put that truth into writing, but I'll try.

In the last few weeks, people have told me I have seemed quieter, or down. I've had a lot on my mind. But it wasn't just that. I have been praying that God would refresh my heart and reveal Himself to me again. It has been a good while since I have felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. I realize that our feelings are just feelings, and they come and go and always will. But recently, during times of corporate worship and prayer, it has been very hard for me to come before God and just be. God showed me that the root of this is my personal prayer life. It is possible, at least for me, to be in prayer, but to not pray. What I mean by this, is, my prayers are just words. I may be in the "biblical posture", I may be saying all the right words, but I am really not coming before my God. In these times, all I am doing is saying the things I have learned to say. I am not expressing what is truly going on in my heart. These are the periods in my prayer life when my prayers feel like they hit a wall.

These past few weeks, I have felt like I am praying to myself. I don't know if that makes sense. It feels like I am praying because I know it is the thing I should be doing, but the object of my prayers is not the Eternal God. There really is no object of my prayers. I just pray for the sake of praying.

I don't know how, but yesterday God revealed to me that I generally do not seen Him as a person, just a conceptual truth. When I address my Father as a concept, my prayers become just that: conceptual.

The last day has been totally different. God is not a concept. He is a person. It feels so good coming before Him and just sitting there... not saying anything. It is a relief to know that I do not always need to pray theological prayers. Child like faith is a beautiful thing. And I marvel at people who have it.


give me faith like a child.


JN