prayer

I am not really sure how to write this post. God showed me something yesterday. It might be hard for me to put that truth into writing, but I'll try.

In the last few weeks, people have told me I have seemed quieter, or down. I've had a lot on my mind. But it wasn't just that. I have been praying that God would refresh my heart and reveal Himself to me again. It has been a good while since I have felt the presence of the Holy Spirit in my life. I realize that our feelings are just feelings, and they come and go and always will. But recently, during times of corporate worship and prayer, it has been very hard for me to come before God and just be. God showed me that the root of this is my personal prayer life. It is possible, at least for me, to be in prayer, but to not pray. What I mean by this, is, my prayers are just words. I may be in the "biblical posture", I may be saying all the right words, but I am really not coming before my God. In these times, all I am doing is saying the things I have learned to say. I am not expressing what is truly going on in my heart. These are the periods in my prayer life when my prayers feel like they hit a wall.

These past few weeks, I have felt like I am praying to myself. I don't know if that makes sense. It feels like I am praying because I know it is the thing I should be doing, but the object of my prayers is not the Eternal God. There really is no object of my prayers. I just pray for the sake of praying.

I don't know how, but yesterday God revealed to me that I generally do not seen Him as a person, just a conceptual truth. When I address my Father as a concept, my prayers become just that: conceptual.

The last day has been totally different. God is not a concept. He is a person. It feels so good coming before Him and just sitting there... not saying anything. It is a relief to know that I do not always need to pray theological prayers. Child like faith is a beautiful thing. And I marvel at people who have it.


give me faith like a child.


JN

a year

This past Sunday marked my 1 year anniversary with Off The Wall Ministry. I meant to write this on Sunday, but I haven't had the time to sit down and gather my thoughts until now. In this blog, I am going to recap some memories and how I have seen Christ change me this past year in Ohio.

October 11, 2009, my first day with Off The Wall Ministry

I had just turned 19. It was my first time ever living away from home. I came to Ohio with a lot of insecurties. I was fearful that people would not accept me. I was unsure of who I was and I really cared about what people thought of me. People's opinions of me defined my identity. But I wanted that to change. I wanted to discover how God made me and what He has gifted me in. I wanted to know why I believe in Jesus and if following Him for the rest of my life is really what I wanted. And so God got to work...

Mid February 2010

I originally planned to stay for 5-6 months. I knew in my heart that God had called me to Off The Wall Ministry. I had heard His call. But I fought it. I fought it from October through February. I was extremely discontent, impatient, and frantic during those months. I told myself that living in Colorado going to a Mountain College was going to make me happy. I also told myself that spending the summer in Costa Rica would make me content. I thought that experiences would bring me satisfaction in life. One day, God asked me if I was going to keep running forever, or allow Him to do His will in my life. I reluctantly chose to surrender my desires to Him. I committed to Off The Wall for another year.

end of July 2010

I was sitting on a porch Kihei, Hawaii, that overlooked the pacific ocean. My family rented a condo on the beach for a week on Maui. I was reflecting on the past 9 months of my life. I missed my Off The Wall family. I wanted to go back that minute. I had spent 6 weeks away with my mom, dad, sister, and actually wanted to trade my last few days in Maui to be with the Off The Wall team. I knew this is where I was called to serve the Lord, and was ecstatic about it. Looking back, I can see how through me being stubborn and fighting God, He took me to a place where I realized nothing in life would give me purpose and contentment other than following Him.

Today, October 13th, 2010

I am sitting on my bed. The house is empty. I have class in an hour. I know this is where God has called me to be. I am not fearful anymore about being accepted by people. I know I am accepted in Christ. He is my identity and He is my life. There is not any place in the world I could go that could fill a hole in my heart that longs for acceptance. Christ fills that hole. I am more content now then I ever have been in my life. I know this is the community I am going to serve the Lord with for a good part my early 20's. I have made a 2 year commitment to Off The Wall Ministry through the summer of 2012, but I have a feeling I will be here longer. I will be going on staff in 2011 as the guys discipleship House Leader.
I have discovered a few of my passions and giftings, and surely enough they are one in the same. I want to disciple men for the rest of my life and I want to lead people in worship to encounter their Creator.



God has been asking me for a long time, if I trust Him that He will give me the desires of my heart. It has been a hard process. God is always showing me areas in my life that I do not trust Him in. He is still working on me, but I can confidently say that now, I believe Psalm 37:4 more than I ever have. Life is an amazing journey. I am convinced that following Christ is about giving up control of our lives and following Him where ever He leads us. The funny thing is, now that I have done that, I don't want to be anywhere else. I feel so much freedom in knowing this is where I am supposed to be. And it is pretty sweet.

It will be funny writing a blog a year from now and seeing how the Lord continues to work in my life and in the lives of those around me.


I look forward to a great year of learning and growth in life,



JN

therefore remember

I don't really know where this post is going to go. But I was just thinking... God is really, really good. I mean really, really good. I have noticed how many times God tells us to remember. He tells Joshua to a build memorial stone so the Israelites won't forget that God was faithful in bringing them into the Promise Land (Joshua 4). He tells His people in Numbers to wear tassels so they don't forget God's Law (Numbers 15:39). Paul says in Ephesians 2:11 to "Therefore Remember". It is all over scripture. God tells us to remind ourselves of His goodness and not to forget Him, because, inevitably, we will.


"Therefore remember" has been a theme this year with Off The Wall. We constantly remind each other to remember Gods goodness in our lives and reflect on it.

This week, I have had some time to get away and just sit and remember. God always seems to quietly speak His love to me when I remember. My furthest memory goes back to China, when I was two or three. I remember waking up early one morning on a train. My parents and I were traveling from our home city, to a town way out in the country. Often times, we took overnight trains, or sleepers, as I like to call them. There were two bunk beds in our cabin. I remember waking up to the sun pouring into the cabin as the train started to slow down. I was alone and I remember standing on the table, peering out the window at the sun. It was so bright that morning. There was miles and miles of farmland spread out across the horizon. I remember standing there, on that table, in a cabin, on a sleeper train, realizing that God was with me. It wasn't a conscious thought I had to choose to make. I just knew. God was with me in China.

It always humbles me when I think about how God has was watching me grow up. He knew me before I entered my mothers womb, and He has always been with me. Whenever I reflect on my childhood, I am brought to a place of awe for my Creator. To know that He knows all things, and has been guiding my life from day one is an amazing and wonderful truth. And now, as I have left my teenage years, He continues to guide me and direct my path.

It is quite a journey, following Jesus. The best part is not needing to know where I am going in this life, but trusting that He already knows and will get me there.

I would encourage you to take some time, and reflect on the goodness of God. Therefore remember that He is with you and always will be. He will never leave you or forsake you. He is your King, your Savior, your Lord, your Friend, but most of all, He is your Daddy. Run into His arms and know that He is good.


JN

friendship

I am writing from a Moody dorm room that overlooks a large part of downtown Chicago. I am not the biggest city guy, but this one is beautiful. The Sears tower lights up at night, and I can see the flashing purple from my friends window. This week, I got to spend two days with two of my closest friends here in Chicago. It was so funny seeing them again. It had been almost a year since I saw one of them, but nothing had changed. I love friendship. I was reminded these past few days at Gods goodness through friendship. My relationships with people are one of the most important part of my life in my walk with Christ. I was reminded at how great friendships never grow stale. They pick up right where they leave off. Mike, Tyler, and I are all in different places now, then when we met. Different things are going in our lives, but friendship remains the same. I love that about God. He brings so much joy and contentment to godly friendships.

I am realizing more and more how meaningless life would be if I had to live it alone. I am thankful that God has blessed me with brothers and sisters who have the same heart and same mindset as I do. I was really encouraged this weekend to know that my bros over here at Moody are running to Christ just as fast or even faster than I am. It is really humbling and exciting to watch.

Yesterday the three of us played Frisbee on a beach in the city for over an hour. It was beautiful. 70 degrees and the water was pristine blue. It was just like old times. Except we were not in Costa Rica, we were in Chicago.

I think human relationships are vital in spiritual growth, as well as contentment, and significance. Thank you God for being a God who desires relationship with us and created relationship with others.

Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another--and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
Hebrews 10:25


from a dorm overlooking the city that hasn't been so windy,

JN

our true home

I have been sitting at a table in the Daily Grind for about 4 hours now. I went to see a good friend of mine this weekend at his college in western PA, so naturally, I did not get any school work done and I had a bunch of it pile up on me. So my Saturday has pretty much consisted of studying, writing, and more studying.

For my college writing class, I have to respond to a reading every night. The class is more of a philosophy class then an English class. The theme for the semester seems to be "Being Reflexive". Being reflexive basically means being open to our ideas changing as we read different texts as they impact us. My prof would say the purpose of being reflexive is to "achieve a greater self awareness." It sounds nice. It has a real lets go sit at Starbucks and debate philosophy into the late hours of the night while non-nonchalantly sipping a decaf mocha Java espresso that's cup is recyclable and gives 10% of its cost to hungry children in Africa so we can feel good about ourselves as we contribute to the environmental movement and humanitarian efforts made my individuals who are not sitting at Starbucks drinking decaf mocha Java espressos.

It has occurred to me while sitting in my College Writing 1 class how different my world view is as a follower of Jesus than a secularist. My prof regularly asks questions like "who are we", "what is the self", and "what is the purpose of reflexivity?". These are all very good, and essential questions to ask as humans. But my prof's answers to those questions directly contradict mine.

My prof's answers:

Who am I? I am made up of all my past experiences. My past experiences define me.

What is the self? The self is the "core I" that has been buried under all of my past experiences. The experiences have shaped me so much that it is difficult to know when the "Core I" or the "true self" emerges.

What is the purpose of reflexivity? To achieve a greater self- awareness and better understand the "core I".


My answers, which are what God has declared in His Word

Who am I? I am Joshua Nims, a son of the Most High God, a friend of Jesus Christ, and a co-heir to the universe. (Ephesians 1:5-10, Colossians 3:1)

What is the self? The self is who God had uniquely made me to be. I am defined by who God created me to be and the spirit He put in me. My past experiences do not define me because my past has been redeemed by the blood of Jesus. (Psalm 139, specifically verse 14, Ephesians 1, Romans 6-8)


What is the purpose of being reflexive? There is no need to discover any new self awareness because there is none. I am a son of God. My purpose is to love Jesus and love people. Nothing else matters. (Matthew 22:38)


All this comes down the one question that my prof and I answer very differently. Where is my true home? Is my true home this Earth? Or is it in God's eternal Kingdom? If my home is this earth, and there is no life after death, then my professors answers to these questions make sense.

But I have experienced the living God, and I know that this place I am confined by in this temporal body is not my eternal home. My residence is in Heaven, with Jesus Christ.


2 Corinthians 5:1-5

"Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come."

Ephesians 2:19-22

"Consequently, you are no longer foreigners and aliens, but fellow citizens with God’s people and members of God’s household, built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, with Christ Jesus himself as the chief cornerstone. In him the whole building is joined together and rises to become a holy temple in the Lord. And in him you too are being built together to become a dwelling in which God lives by his Spirit"

Our perspective has everything to do with how we live and how we view people. I am finding this out more and more as each day passes.


from the coffee shop down the street,

JN