my thoughts on what it means to give Jesus everything

I have been wondering the last few days... do we really get it? I mean Christianity. Do we really love God with all our heart, soul, mind and strength and strive to love our neighbor as ourself? How do we live out our love for Christ in the midst of a materialistic and egotistical 21st century post modern society?

So many people in our country claim to have faith these days. Some even say they have faith in Jesus as their Lord and Savior. But what do their lives look like? How do we know we delight in Jesus, and nothing more? Is my deepest desire to be with Jesus? Do I want Jesus more than anything else?

I was thinking about that yesterday... whether I love Jesus and want Him more than anything else. If I am being honest with myself, then sadly, there is one aspect of my future life (hopefully) that is right up there with Jesus. Jesus calls us to give him everything. We don't like that in America. There are days where I am like "Why, Lord do I have to give you everything?". It sucks. Lets be real here. The process of sanctification absolutely sucks. Conviction, repentance, vulnerability, and rawness is painful. But the funny thing is, the more you repent and give your life to Christ daily, the more freeing it becomes... until... He shows you that one thing you are still holding on to. In my case, that one thing is marriage. I want to get married someday and have a family with a woman I am crazy in love with. But I also think that I am holding onto marriage for myself, not for Christ. Now, I do not believe this is a bad, or a sinful desire. It can remain selfish or can be conformed to the glory of God. It says in Psalm 37:4 "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." What I believe God wants from me, is for me to give Him my desire to get married. He wants me to trust Him that if He chooses not to bless me with a woman after His own heart, then He has another plan in my life that will bring Him glory. And If I love Jesus, then I should be willing to submit to whatever that plan is.

Now, I really hope that God chooses to give me a wife. But if He does not, I have to be okay with that. Marriage is not eternal. It is temporary. Making disciples is eternal and will matter in the Kingdom. It is funny...the man who told me that, is the only man I know who I believe when he says that he has no desire to get married and only serve Christ in making disciples. But that is a hard truth to grasp and believe and take joy in for a guy like me, who is a sucker for romantic movies and wants nothing more on Earth than to grow old with a woman, serving the Lord together faithfully until we die or He comes.

"If any of you does not renounce all he has, he cannot be my disciple"
Luke 14:33


The cost of discipleship is a high price. It costs us everything. But it is worth it. We get Jesus, the one who made it possible for me to sit in this coffee shop on this lap top and type as I breathe in oxygen to my lungs and process what I am writing and at the same time thing about all the other things I have to do today. We get Jesus in eternity. Forever. And I know in my heart there is nothing more valuable on Earth than that.


JN

Sunday

My favourite day of the week. The day of rest. The day of refreshment. The day I hear Don Stubbs sing trashy girl pop in a tank top at the Troyers house as he puts way to much cream and sugar in his coffee. (this is actually happening now).

It is a day that God set apart. Some scholars debate that God did not rest on the 7th day, but He ceased from creating. If God ceased, or rested, wouldn't you think it is important that we do? No. Rephrase that. Isn't it necessary that we do?

This day is a necessity for me. After 6 days of going 100 miles an hour and trying to accomplish as much as I can, I need a day where I can just sit, drink the company of people I love, and enjoy the beauty of rest and leisure. This is the day where I cease from thinking about tomorrow and what the week will bring.

If you do not have a day of Sabbath (it does not need to be Sunday), you need one. God chose to rest. And we need to as well.

So today, enjoy the people you love, drink the company, go for a walk, smell the flowers, and thank your Lord for a new day of life. And don't even think about tomorrow. Because it may not come.

"Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about it self. Each day has enough trouble on its own. But seek first the Kingdom of God and His righteousness and all these things will be given to you as well"

Matthew 6

enjoy the beauty of today,

JN

pace of life

Sometime last winter, Don, Correy, Seth and I were hanging out in the kitchen talking. It was a late December night. I remember it was really cold. Don was talking to us about something pretty important. I only remember this because I got really, really excited. Sometimes, actually most of the time, when I get excited about something (especially Jesus), I often forget about what is around me and tend to break things. On that night, Don said something that got me really fired up and I jumped up onto our counter in the kitchen and instantly it snapped. It was a cheap marble knock off, but it just split right in two. I sunk into where the dishwasher was for a second and then got off. I was like "oh crap. not again". Everyone just started laughing, and then I joined them.

Things like this happen to me a lot. I break stuff. I wouldn't say I am a clumsy guy. I am more mis fortunate and reckless than anything. Like yesterday for instance. The Off The Wall team went over to a friends house for lunch. Our friend has a beautiful home in Stonecreek, Ohio, with lots of hills. He also has a trampoline. After I had finished eating Italian sausage over the fire, I ran over to his trampoline a few yards away. Lincoln was jumping on it at the time. I yelled at him to get off because I wanted to try something cool. So, as Lincoln jumped off, I started sprinting toward the trampoline from about 25 yards away. As I got closer and closer and prepared myself to jump onto it, i visualized what I was going to do. I would jump about 3 feet from the trampoline and my momentum would propel me forward and up. I would hit the middle and bounce a good 10 feet in the air, and then land on the grass on the other side of the trampoline. But this did not happen. My feet did not do what I thought they would.

As I approached the trampoline running at about 3/4 speed, my feet slipped on the grass. (I had bare feet). I had momentum all right, and it propelled my feet to jet out from under me and my body crashed into the metal side of the trampoline, feet first. I was really surprised when it happened, and sort of didn't know what was going on as I dangled upside down somehow attached to the trampoline. Lincoln and Travis howled with laughter as I stepped onto the grass, trying to get myself together.

What these stories have in common, along with many, many other stories is that I tend to move to fast in life. Why this is, I don't know. My mind gets working, and I get excited about something I guess. My body just moves fast. But my fastness does not only lead me to break things. It also makes it really hard for me to slow down, and enjoy the simplicity of life. I love life, but I live it at an unnecessarily fast pace.

It is ironic. The times when I feel God is distant, are usually the times when I am moving so fast, that I never be still and know that He is God. God can meet us where we are at. But He says again and again, that He desires to meet us in the stillness, in the silence, and in the quiet.

This morning I woke up at 5:30 and went down stairs. No one was up yet. Usually, the first thing I do in the morning is check my email, facebook, and ESPN to see if the Redsox are any closer to making the playoffs (still 5 games out of first, but there still is a month left). But today, I spent some time with Jesus alone. No music, no internet, just me and the Word. It was really refreshing. I read the first 2 chapters of Ephesians, a few Psalms and 1 Corinthians 15.

God desires that we enjoy every minute of every day. He desires that we reflect on Him, and what He has done and is doing in our lives. This year, I hope to learn to discipline myself to slow down. A goal of mine is that I live at a slower pace of life.

It all starts with this.

"Be still and know that I am God" Psalm 46:10


JN

theology

The last year of my life, I have really been wrestling though some parts of theology, specifically Calvinism, Arminianism, and Partially Open Theism. Now I am not going to try to explain anything on this post, so if the first sentence disinterested you, then don't fear! I won't bore you (although I think theology and philosophy is fascinating).

Through many discussions, debates, and dialogs with friends and mentors, I have come to the conclusion that I don't understand God, and I will never understand Him, even in eternity. So as much as I want to sometimes, it will never happen. It is funny. After a year of talking, thinking, and getting frustrated with all this stuff, I have arrived where I began. That God is mysterious and I will never fully know Him in His entirety. But, though all the discussion, I feel like I have learned how to think more biblically, and in that, glorify God with my mind. I think I have a relativity decent grasp on the Calvinistic, Arminean, and Partially Open Theism views. But I do not affirm any one of them in their entirety. In fact, I would not label myself as a Calvinist, or Arminiean, or Partially Open theist. I would label myself as a follower and disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

Theology is great. But it is temporary. It is not eternal. As one of my good friends put it "theology is for us, not God". It helps us form our views of God and definitely does influence our lives here on Earth, but it will not dictate where we spend eternity. Only our faith in Jesus Christ as the second person of the trinity, Lord, Savior, Master, Friend, and God matters. More simply put, what we believe about Jesus matters.

I just wanna love Jesus and make disciples until He comes back. Our relationship with Jesus is more important than our systematic theology. So are people. Systematic theology is secondary.

I felt like I just wanna get all that out there. It feels good to know that God is in control, His Spirit is at work in the lives of me, and my brothers and sisters in Christ around the world, and that His Son is returning. Soon.

Until He comes,

JN

struggles and growth

Recently, there have been a few moments where I have just stopped, reflected, and marveled at Jesus and how He has worked in my life. Living in biblical community is challenging at times. There have been times this past year where I have wanted to get on a plane and just go home. There have been times when I have questioned my reasons for not going straight to college and instead jumping into a discipleship ministry setting. There have been a few times when I have not understood what God was doing in my life this year.

About 2 weeks ago, my mom took me to Logan airport as I was to return to New Philadelphia, Ohio for my second year with Off The Wall Ministry. I had just spent 6 weeks with my family. We went to Martha's vineyard, California, and Hawaii this past summer. It was the longest time I had been with them since I left for OTW in October of 2009. It was hard to want to go back to Ohio that day. I didn't want to. I wished that my time with OTW was over and that I could start up college at home and live with my parents. Those feelings had nothing to do with the Off The Wall staff. It was just the fact that I missed my parents and sister so much, I didn't want to think about going another year living away from them. I actually cried as I walked to the gate and got on the plane. I have not cried in a long time.

Now, 2 weeks later, I am sitting in a cabin in Alaska on a mission trip with Off The Wall. My heart has changed in the last 2 weeks. The Lord has showed me that when I am self-focused, meaning, when I am only thinking about what I want in my life, then I will never be content. Now, I feel excited for every day. I realize there will be times when I miss my family, and when I probably will cry. But I have grown to love my new community so much, I know they will walk with me through any feelings I have. They are my second family now.

There is a verse in James that Christians don't like to talk about. But it is truth.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith will produce steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

This is so much truth to this verse. In the last to weeks, I feel as though the Lord has grown my love for Him through putting me back in Ohio, a place where I did not intend to come back to for a second year.

I want to commit the next 2 years of my life to Jesus at Off The Wall. I don't know what it will look like. But I believe the Lord is doing a work in and through Off The Wall Ministry, and He wants me to be apart of it. At least for a little bit longer.

I think through all of this, this past year, I am learning how to love God with my heart. Me, being such a head guy, has trouble letting my heart compel me to act. I really want to be here for two more years. And it not just my head saying "it would be a good thing to learn to commit to something." It is my heart telling me that this is the right place at the right time.

So, I don't really know how to end this entry. This one was more for me to articulate and get down my thoughts. Thanks to all of you who read this thing. I never know who is on here. I pray that my life would point to Jesus. That is my reason for everything.

In Him,


JN

You're Beautiful

There is a song out by Phil Wickham called You're Beautiful. It may be one of the most emotionally stimulation songs I have ever heard. He paints a beautiful picture of what entering into to Presence of God might be like. If you get a chance to listen to it, do it. It is my favorite song right now.

Here are the lyrics:

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful (x2)

I see Your face,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

beauty

I am writing this from a cabin in Alaska. Snow crested mountains surround this cozy home in the middle of the woods. I have always dreamed of living in a place like this, and now I think I understand why some people move away from metropolitan areas, and spend their entire lives surrounded by beauty.

Beauty is an interesting word. Webster defines it as "something or someone that gives pleasure to the senses". We use beautiful to describe a sunrise, or a mountain, or a snowfall. We also use it to describe a person's appearance. I think it is more than something ascetically appealing.

Is beauty limited to finite objects? Is beauty more than a word used to describe? I think beauty must derive from something, it must derive someone... someone that is not confined by time or matter.

In the opening paragraph of the gospel of John, John declares Jesus as the Word, and he says "The Word was God. All things were made through Him, and without him was not anything made that was made." Paul calls Jesus the "Lord over all creation" in Colossians 1:15.

I think humans recognize beauty in things and people, because the One who embodies beauty, The Beautiful One, is beautiful. He made the earth beautiful, because He in essence is beauty, and His creation reflects His beauty.

May the Beautiful One captive your heart and your life today.

JN