theology

The last year of my life, I have really been wrestling though some parts of theology, specifically Calvinism, Arminianism, and Partially Open Theism. Now I am not going to try to explain anything on this post, so if the first sentence disinterested you, then don't fear! I won't bore you (although I think theology and philosophy is fascinating).

Through many discussions, debates, and dialogs with friends and mentors, I have come to the conclusion that I don't understand God, and I will never understand Him, even in eternity. So as much as I want to sometimes, it will never happen. It is funny. After a year of talking, thinking, and getting frustrated with all this stuff, I have arrived where I began. That God is mysterious and I will never fully know Him in His entirety. But, though all the discussion, I feel like I have learned how to think more biblically, and in that, glorify God with my mind. I think I have a relativity decent grasp on the Calvinistic, Arminean, and Partially Open Theism views. But I do not affirm any one of them in their entirety. In fact, I would not label myself as a Calvinist, or Arminiean, or Partially Open theist. I would label myself as a follower and disciple of Jesus Christ, the Son of God.

Theology is great. But it is temporary. It is not eternal. As one of my good friends put it "theology is for us, not God". It helps us form our views of God and definitely does influence our lives here on Earth, but it will not dictate where we spend eternity. Only our faith in Jesus Christ as the second person of the trinity, Lord, Savior, Master, Friend, and God matters. More simply put, what we believe about Jesus matters.

I just wanna love Jesus and make disciples until He comes back. Our relationship with Jesus is more important than our systematic theology. So are people. Systematic theology is secondary.

I felt like I just wanna get all that out there. It feels good to know that God is in control, His Spirit is at work in the lives of me, and my brothers and sisters in Christ around the world, and that His Son is returning. Soon.

Until He comes,

JN

struggles and growth

Recently, there have been a few moments where I have just stopped, reflected, and marveled at Jesus and how He has worked in my life. Living in biblical community is challenging at times. There have been times this past year where I have wanted to get on a plane and just go home. There have been times when I have questioned my reasons for not going straight to college and instead jumping into a discipleship ministry setting. There have been a few times when I have not understood what God was doing in my life this year.

About 2 weeks ago, my mom took me to Logan airport as I was to return to New Philadelphia, Ohio for my second year with Off The Wall Ministry. I had just spent 6 weeks with my family. We went to Martha's vineyard, California, and Hawaii this past summer. It was the longest time I had been with them since I left for OTW in October of 2009. It was hard to want to go back to Ohio that day. I didn't want to. I wished that my time with OTW was over and that I could start up college at home and live with my parents. Those feelings had nothing to do with the Off The Wall staff. It was just the fact that I missed my parents and sister so much, I didn't want to think about going another year living away from them. I actually cried as I walked to the gate and got on the plane. I have not cried in a long time.

Now, 2 weeks later, I am sitting in a cabin in Alaska on a mission trip with Off The Wall. My heart has changed in the last 2 weeks. The Lord has showed me that when I am self-focused, meaning, when I am only thinking about what I want in my life, then I will never be content. Now, I feel excited for every day. I realize there will be times when I miss my family, and when I probably will cry. But I have grown to love my new community so much, I know they will walk with me through any feelings I have. They are my second family now.

There is a verse in James that Christians don't like to talk about. But it is truth.

"Count it all joy, my brothers, when you meet trials of many kinds, for you know that the testing of your faith will produce steadfastness. And let steadfastness have its full effect, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing."

This is so much truth to this verse. In the last to weeks, I feel as though the Lord has grown my love for Him through putting me back in Ohio, a place where I did not intend to come back to for a second year.

I want to commit the next 2 years of my life to Jesus at Off The Wall. I don't know what it will look like. But I believe the Lord is doing a work in and through Off The Wall Ministry, and He wants me to be apart of it. At least for a little bit longer.

I think through all of this, this past year, I am learning how to love God with my heart. Me, being such a head guy, has trouble letting my heart compel me to act. I really want to be here for two more years. And it not just my head saying "it would be a good thing to learn to commit to something." It is my heart telling me that this is the right place at the right time.

So, I don't really know how to end this entry. This one was more for me to articulate and get down my thoughts. Thanks to all of you who read this thing. I never know who is on here. I pray that my life would point to Jesus. That is my reason for everything.

In Him,


JN

You're Beautiful

There is a song out by Phil Wickham called You're Beautiful. It may be one of the most emotionally stimulation songs I have ever heard. He paints a beautiful picture of what entering into to Presence of God might be like. If you get a chance to listen to it, do it. It is my favorite song right now.

Here are the lyrics:

I see Your face in every sunrise
The colors of the morning are inside Your eyes
The world awakens in the light of the day
I look up to the sky and say
You're beautiful

I see Your power in the moonlit night
Where planets are in motion and galaxies are bright
We are amazed in the light of the stars
It's all proclaiming who You are
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see You there hanging on a tree
You bled and then You died and then You rose again for me
Now You are sitting on Your heavenly throne
Soon we will be coming home
You're beautiful, You're beautiful

When we arrive at eternity's shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We'll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we'll sing
You're beautiful (x2)

I see Your face,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

I see Your face,
You're beautiful, You're beautiful, You're beautiful

beauty

I am writing this from a cabin in Alaska. Snow crested mountains surround this cozy home in the middle of the woods. I have always dreamed of living in a place like this, and now I think I understand why some people move away from metropolitan areas, and spend their entire lives surrounded by beauty.

Beauty is an interesting word. Webster defines it as "something or someone that gives pleasure to the senses". We use beautiful to describe a sunrise, or a mountain, or a snowfall. We also use it to describe a person's appearance. I think it is more than something ascetically appealing.

Is beauty limited to finite objects? Is beauty more than a word used to describe? I think beauty must derive from something, it must derive someone... someone that is not confined by time or matter.

In the opening paragraph of the gospel of John, John declares Jesus as the Word, and he says "The Word was God. All things were made through Him, and without him was not anything made that was made." Paul calls Jesus the "Lord over all creation" in Colossians 1:15.

I think humans recognize beauty in things and people, because the One who embodies beauty, The Beautiful One, is beautiful. He made the earth beautiful, because He in essence is beauty, and His creation reflects His beauty.

May the Beautiful One captive your heart and your life today.

JN

The biggest life lesson I learned this past year with Off the Wall

So I have had a really busy summer. That is part of the reason I haven't went on this blog since June. Now, almost 2 months later, I feel like there is a lot I need to write. Many things can happen in 2 months, and when life gets busy, usually changes happen.

I feel like every other day I have either been driving somewhere or flying somewhere. In the wee hours of this past Wednesday morning, I stepped off an airplane from Denver and set foot in my home state, Massachusetts for the first time in 2 weeks. Earlier this summer, my parents surprised me by telling me that we were going to Maui, Hawaii as a family for a week after we spent a week in California. I haven't been to Hawaii since I was one, so I don't remember it. I really enjoyed our trip to Hawaii.

I had a lot of time to reflect. There were a few mornings when I woke up really early and couldn't get back to sleep. We had a condo right on the beach, so our porch looked right out at the Pacific Ocean and another Hawaiian Island. It was the most beautiful view from a porch I have ever seen. Anyway, so I got thinking and praying. It was about 5 am and the sun was just starting to come up. I thought about my life. I thought about highschool, and my year with Off The Wall Ministry in Ohio. I thought about this next year where I am going to be going to college at Kent State University while remaining at the Off The Wall house. I thought about how I want to be a high school teacher and a basketball coach, and how I am going to make that possible. I thought about marriage. I think about marriage a lot. I know I am not even 20, but at my age, I guess most people start to think about it. I thought about how I love all the relationships the Lord has brought into my life this past year. I really miss them. I really miss my Ohio crew. Honestly, two months ago, I was so ready to leave Ohio. I needed time away. I needed time with my parents, my sister, and my really good friends that have known me my entire life. But then, that morning on the porch in Maui, I realized I was ready to go back, and I really wanted to go back. I actually would have rather been in Ohio for the last 2 days of my Maui vacation.

And it is so ironic that I say that. 1 year ago, I established the direction of life by going somewhere. I wanted to go to college in Colorado because I love the place. I wanted to spend 3 months in Switzerland because of the alps. I wanted to go to Costa Rica for the summer because of the rain forest, mountains, and beach. God knew that my heart sought after an adventure with Him, not just Him. The idea of adventure thrilled me more than the Creator (who is the creator of adventure). I have come to see this past year that following Jesus has little to do with your physical destination. It has everything to do with the people who accompany you. The relationships I have with my team in Ohio mean more than any vacation to Hawaii or any mountain I could climb.

I couldn't think of any other title for this blog other than the reason I am writing it. So, this biggest lesson I learned this year in Ohio, is, that relationships are far more important, fulfilling, and joyful than any experience I could ever have alone.

My relationship with the Lord needs so much more growth. Much of the time I feel like I love God with my head, but not my heart. I am still learning what it means to love God with everything, specifically my heart. And as good old John Piper would say,

(this is me paraphrasing)

"your love for God is not defined by what you do, or what you say. You know you truly love Him if at the very base of your soul, your deepest desire is Christ, and He is your utmost affection, joy and happiness"

I probably totally butchered that quote.


So, I am very excited to get back to Ohio. The smell of cow manure and corn awaits me, and I can't wait to greet it.

As for the direction of my life, this is what I know:

I am starting my freshmen year of college in the fall at Kent State University
My ambition is to become a high school teacher, either in Math, History, or English
I want to coach Varsity basketball as well
If the Lord directs me to a life in overseas missions, I would be ecstatic.
But If I am called to stay in the States, raise a family, and impact and disciple high schoolers, I will do that joyfully until He returns.

I have no 5 year plan. Anything could change. I don't know what tomorrow brings. Living in the present, preparing for the future is all I can do.

I love Jesus, I love the life He has given me to life, and I am ready to rock and roll.


JN

Wow. Its been a while since I last wrote a blog. It is funny how in our lives, there are stretches of time when life seems stagnant or "normal" for use of a better word. And then something happens and life seems to pick up and get interesting or exciting. I used to really live on those moments, when it's like life is thriving and new, exciting things are being birthed in me and others around me. But this past year here in Ohio, for the most part life has been slow, steady, and simple. I have learned to appreciate it.

I want to share a story that happened to me about 3 weeks ago. It really encouraged me then, and I have been meaning to get it on here. About 3 weeks ago, I got a car up in Boston and flew home and then the following day, drove it back to Ohio with my parents.

I was flying out of Akron-Canton airport, a small regional airport with about only 10 gates. Luckily, they have cheap flights to Boston, and Akron is only 30 minutes away. AirTran hadn't assigned me a seat, so I had the luxury of choosing it for myself. I looked at all the seats on the plane, and their was a row in the back that was completely open, so I chose the window seat, expecting to be comfortably undisturbed for the flight to Boston. I love the window seat. I always have. I remember as a little kid flying over the Rockies and just starting at the mountains below. When we flew to China, I was always mesmerized by the mountains of clouds and the gigantic expanse of the blue waters of the Pacific below.

So I boarded the plane, found my seat, sat down, and looked out the window at all the guys loading our baggage onto the plain. As the plane filled up, the two seats next to me were still empty, and it was looking like I would be alone in my row, the way I wanted it. Sometimes I like talking to strangers on a plane, but that day, I just wanted to be alone in my thoughts looking out the window.

Just then, I see this old Chinese couple walk down the aisle approaching my empty row. I quickly looked around and saw that there were no empty seats anywhere except next to me, and realized that my hopes of a quiet flight home were destroyed. The couple was gabbing loudly in Mandarin and I thought to my self "they probably don't even speak English. I am going to have to have to listen to them talk the whole way home."

As the husband sat down in my row in the seat next to me, he turned, looked at me, and said "Happy Wednesday!, we are flying on a good day today! My name is John Wei. How are you." I was like "Oh crap. I am actually going to have to talk to this guy now." So politely, I told him I was doing well and flying home to Boston. Then He started asking me all the typical questions. "Where do you live now? Are you in school? What do you want to study?"

I told him I was with Off The Wall Ministry and planned to go to Kent State in the fall and eventually get a Secondary Ed. degree. Then he got really interested, and asked me about Off The Wall. I soon realized that this man was a fellow Christian and brother in the Lord. I felt bad about originally not wanting to talk. I knew he and his wife were from China because I recognized the tone of the language to be Mandarin. So I thought what the heck, why not see where in China they were from. Maybe they will know where Hefei is. (That is the city where my parents taught for 3 years). John told me that He only grew up in China for a few years and then came to America when he was a little boy and he doesn't remember much. So I told him that my parents were missionaries over there for 4 years. His wife asked me where. I told here in the Anhui province, in Hefei. Immediately his wife looks at me and goes "That is where my mother lives!".

I was dumbfounded. I just chuckled and laughed at God's humor. I ended up talking to John the whole way home. We pulled out a bible and shared our favorite verses with each other. We prayed for each other and exchanged out contact info. I hope to be in touch with him.

When I got to Logan Airport in Boston I just laughed as I told my paretns the story. They were just as amazed as I was.

It was a great reminder that God is God. He knows what He is doing. He has a plan for our lives. And He cares deeply about us. He knew I didn't really want to talk. He knew I needed to be encouraged. So he sent a Chinese couple who has been to the same city in China where I lived, to encourage me and fellowship for the plane ride.

I have a feeling that God isn't done with China in my life. He keeps bringing it back up. I see that more as I get older. Maybe one day I will go back and teach English and share the gospel, just like my parents. I am open to that, and whatever else The Lord would do.


thats it for now,

JN

change of perspective

It has been a while since I posted a blog. Partly because the spring schedule has kicked into full gear and partly because there has been nothing I wanted to blog about.

Today, I went for a run. It was a beautiful day, and there is a route I really like that takes me out of New Philly proper and into some farmland. It is about a 4 1/2 mile total run. About two miles in, just as I had run out of the city, I turned left onto a long narrow road that went right though a field. I had my Ipod in and was running at a comfortable pace, but I could not help but marvel at the fields to my left and right full of yellow daisy's. I have never seen the color yellow like that before! So, I stopped, and just stood there for a while. I walked the rest of the way on that road, and didn't really feel like running again. I didn't really care about finishing my run. Giving thanks to the Creator for the beauty of His creation was so much more desirable.

Isn't that what we do in our spiritual lives too? So often I find myself going so fast that I miss what is around me. For example, today in my weekly meeting with Don and Travis, I told them I haven't read anything in Scripture that has "stuck out". I think part of the reason that is, is that I read through the Word so fast that I don't even have an opportunity to take in it's beauty.

In his latest book, Primal, Mark Batterson talks about perspective in relation to the Word of God. He says:

The French writer Jacques Reda had a peculiar habit. He used to walk the streets of Paris with the intention of seeing one new thing each day. It was the way he renewed his love for the city. I think we need to renew out love for God the same way. Our love grows as we discover new dimensions of His personality, and His personality is primarily revealed in the pages of Scripture.

What if we approached Scripture the way Jacques Reda walked the streets of Paris?


So, I want to challenge myself, to really put myself in the stories of God's Story. I think I might find beauty that I completely missed.


JN