reflections on a rainy day

The rains came last night. I awoke this morning at 5:30 with the realization that today is the last day I am a legal minor. I will be 21 at midnight. I have known this day would come and have been expecting it. But I didn't know it would come this quickly. My friend took me out for breakfast this morning, and as we were driving in the breaking dawn, a memory flickered in my spirit. I was 6 years old again and it was a fall day. The leaves were golden-red and many of them had been raked into piles against a big maple tree in my backyard. There hung a twenty five foot rope swing on that maple that my dad put up. I loved to climb it. I always climbed to the top and just hung there while my mom got nervous. But on that particular day, I remember just sitting on the knot at the bottom. I remember wishing I was 9, because 9 years old felt so old to me. I thought if I was nine, I would be one of the big kids. I remember this feeling of longing and anticipation for time to elapse on that particular fall day.

This fall day isn't much unlike that one, 15 years ago. I feel that sense of longing again. But it is different. Age is not what matters anymore. 21 is just a number. There is so much more I long for. I long to see what God will do in my life. I long to see who He brings into it and where He takes us. I long to see people I am pouring into fall more in love with Jesus. I long to love those people more like Christ loves us.. Ultimately, I long to love Him more than anyone and anything. I am not quite there yet, but I want to be.

I have been thinking a lot about that verse in Psalm 42 that says "As a deer pants for streams of water, so my soul pants for you O God." I want to long for Him like that.


The leaves on the tree outside my bedroom window are just starting to change. Summer is gone. Autumn is alive and well. And its good. Seasons bring new things. And sometimes they bring old things to the surface. And that is why I have grown to appreciate all of them. The natural and spiritual.

So as the day draws to a close and my little minuscule life increases a year, I am thankful that God has kept me thus far. I am thankful that He has given me another year. And if am around a year from today, I will thank Him again.

Blessings

JN