my random thoughts on Christmas day

I am sitting here on my couch in my parent's warm home, snuggled up next to my dog with a hot cup of amaretto coffee on Christmas afternoon. The vacation has been really, really, special. It is my first vacation as a non-resident of 21 Essex Avenue in South Hamilton Massachusetts. So Christmas is different, but still very much the same.

In a lot of my blogs, so far, I have either told a story or just shared my thoughts. This one, however is going to be written on the spot... meaning, whatever I am thinking at the moment is going to appear on your screen.

It just hit me how much I haven't appreciated the people in my life, until recently, specifically, this past October when I left for Off The Wall ministries in Ohio. Two days ago, I was on a train by my self, headed for Boston. I was going to see 7 of my friends from the Compass program. (This past summer I spent 1 month with 26 youth from all around New England hiking mountains, taking seminary courses, and teaching children English in Costa Rica, all the while learning more about life and following Jesus.) As I was staring out the window, seeing the harbors of the Atlantic pass by I got a very depressed feeling. Now I like being alone, but I am realizing I much prefer the company of people that I love. I am learning that I could go on adventure after adventure to the four corners of the Earth, but if I am not with people dearest to my heart to share the experience with, then the experience is only an experience, not a memory. I feel like to define something as a memory, it must be an experience that is shared.

So as I was on that train, I started thinking about my friends who were awaiting my arrival in Boston. And I got really, really, excited. But the reason I got excited was not that they were just my friends, but they were by brothers and sisters in Christ. I call a lot of my friends brother or sister, but I never actually stop to sit down and think about what that actually means. It blows my mind that my closest friends, are not just my friends, but through Christ's blood, have become by spiritual family. Took look into the eyes and call someone 'brother' or 'sister' knowing that their heart has been captivated by the same Savior that has captivated mine.... that is an indescribable joy that only God could think up. (And He did)

Well I am going to have to sign off. My parents are taking my sister and I on a walk to strawberry hill, a now snow covered marsh that's shores kiss waves of the Atlantic.

So on this Christmas day, I wish you joy and peace in abundance. I pray that you are filled with awe and wonder at the mention of the name of the King, who, about 2000 years ago, lay in a manger as a helpless babe. (historians think Jesus was actually born in March, but that is beside the point)

Remember our Lord today and everyday. His birth, life, death, and resurrection.

"And there were shepherds living out in the fields nearby, keeping watch over their flocks at night. An angel of the Lord appeared to them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were terrified. 10But the angel said to them, "Do not be afraid. I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all the people. Today in the town of David a Savior has been born to you; he is Christ the Lord. This will be a sign to you: You will find a baby wrapped in cloths and lying in a manger."

Suddenly a great company of the heavenly host appeared with the angel, praising God and saying,
"Glory to God in the highest,
and on earth peace to men on whom his favor rests."

Luke 2:8-14


JN

Hope in the midst of sorrow

A good friend of mine recently got back from Piedras Negras, Mexico. Joe has been going there once a month for the past 2 years. He has been building relationships with locals, working with a children's home and doing service projects. His last update really inspired and encouraged me, so i thought I would share it with you. Blessings

JN


"Wow what an amazing gift to have a home in Piedras Negras. This past weekend renewed my mind and humbled my heart. This is the common trend among those who are willing to admit that the power unto all life is within the hands of God. His hands are like that of a mighty warrior, strong to uphold those who are faltering and powerful to defeat the enemies coming to take away the joy of the destitute. Five of us had the oppertunity to follow and learn from a small group of prison ministers this weekend. Somthing amazing happens when you leave your comfort zone and personal agenda behind for the call of Christ, suddenly you become part of the human race. Within the prison walls you find ripe ground for deception, cold stone floors to rest upon, flys to walk upon your skin, cold steel to encamp your spirit, and faces in an ocean of ambiguity wondering why on this planet they exist and wander. Their names are traded for new ones describing their sadness, prostitute, criminal, dog, scoundral, son or daughter of shame. Yet Gods plan is to change those names to ones that represent the sons and daughters of a king. However stern walls and razor wire fences ensure that hope is out of reach, the sky becomes their only means of of escape, yet often that is stolen with their detention to a rigid cell. Yet there on the unforgiving chilled stone floor you find the stark truth of the human condition. We are all beggers, our souls are bare before the Lord who sees our deception, dishonesty, and disgrace. His understanding and insight of who we are as ones fighting against his Lordship brings us into awe of his grace. This weekend the power of the gospel washed my life all over again.
The word contrite, used to describe those with whom God dwells in Isaiah, is not just a mere brokeness. Contrite means ground into a powder, not just undone and sad, not just fractioned into a few pieces, not self pitying and low but crushed and ground into a dust. This is what I experienced in the prison among the the cells. The word gospel, used to describe the message and life of Jesus, is not mere good news. Not simply ask God into your heart and he'll help you do what you can not do, but surrender your life to his Lordship and follow him unto life. It is unparralleled possesion of the entirity of the eternal power of God by gift in Jesus Christ. This is also what I experienced in the prison. The contrite powder of those womens souls was mixed with the water of life, which produces a solid foundation as powdered cement mixed with water produces a solid foundation for a home. Four women in the prison asked to recieve this water of life. After listening to the witness of a restored heart they all were found wanting. Every one had been known as a prostitute, had given their bodies away in hopes to find a lasting relationship of love. Yet none had found it. Anna, the lady who shared her life story, was molested at the age of 5 by her uncle. Everytime she saw her uncle until she was 12yrs old he took advantage of her, forcing her to perform sexual pleasure for him. She made a promise in her heart to kill any man who ever touched her again. She eventually heard how Jesus came to earth, a gift from God, and lived on earth. How he taught and claimed to be the representation of the almighty God that created this very earth. How all people have choosen to reject God and sought to find pleasure in inferior things. How he promised to take away the barrier between herself and this pure God. So she surrenderd her life to him. He changed her name, that now she is a princess, the daughter of the most high king. She still harbored anger and pain in her heart from geing molested from such a young age. She could not believe that she could ever be restored. She was pursued in college by a man, whom she told to go away many times. Eventually she went on a date with him. But she would not allow him to touch her. After some months he asked her to spend the rest of her life with him. She decided she would tell him her story. She told him that if he touched her she would kill him, he told her that she would have to kill him then. She was amazed he wanted her after finding out she wasn't a virgin,a big deal in Mexican culture. The honeymoon night came and she knew what was expected. The next morning her husband said "You're a liar, you told me you were not a virgin". She realized that through her walk with Jesus the former shame had been taken away and Christ had restored her 100% percent. Now she has 3 children, a loving husband, and a satisfied soul. She gives her life to the women in the prison to show them that there is no situation or condition of the heart that cannot be washed clean in a response to the call of Christ.
Now my heart and mind burn. What is it going to take to wake us from our slumber? How many more hours will we waste infront of the television. How many dollars will we throw away on emptieness? What will it take to shake our souls into life and quit living in fear? How could any one witness this and not be changed? And guess what your story is just like Annas. You have been scared, you have been taken advantage of, you have lived in unforgivness, you have hated your fellow man based on your pain. You are the child who throws your life into empty things that don't satisfy, rejecting his ways of love, honesty and purity. We are the children of shame selling our lives out to idols and things. What will it take for us to see that we no longer are under this curse? How long will we refuse to accept Gods way and look for our own glory in every situation? Wake up oh sleepers for tomorrow we die, who then will get all the things we have reserved for ourselvs? What are we living for that will truly be used and sustained when we're gone? The giving away of our lives every day in shareing and bearing the burden of the broken is our call. For out of the salvation of God we discover that the meaning of life is vast and deep finding its root in God, Jehovah. How can we complain about our jobs, or our school work, complain about our rich food not being good enough. Who are we? We are but nothing in sight of the almighty. When will we awaken, when will we throw our lives away for the love of him? When will we live in faith and say "Today is the day, the Lord is my rock eternal I will lean on his power and trust only in is insight and strength."
WAKE UP, ARISE, PULL MY CHILDREN FROM THE PIT, STEWARD YOUR BLESSINGS WELL, DEPEND ON ME, I AM FAITHFUL declares the Lord and we turn our deaf ears to him time and time again.
This is what sitting in prison does. This is what following Christ produces in your soul, to pleasure most and find your joy in doing his will. I hope you have found some encouragement in this. I pray you find some conviction in it to examine your heart, to be honest with your heart. I pray you discover the treasure and Joy Christ truly is, for in it is life. "For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also"

In humility and power,

Joseph Courage"

The Son

I reading this book about Antarctica earlier today. I wasn't actually reading it... I was looking at the pictures. I confess. But what struck me most, other than the indescribably beautiful ice figures and deep blue glaciers, was the sun. I find it amazing, that anywhere on the planet, every single human being can appreciate the warmth and beauty of the sun. Even (especially) in frigid Antarctica.

A few summers ago my parents brought my sister and I along on a cruise to Bermuda for their 25th anniversary. The cruise was nice. The food was fancy. But the best part of the entire cruise, at least for me, was standing on a railing on the top deck watching the sun set over the open waters of the mid Atlantic. I have never seen a more beautiful sunset. And the thing that I loved most about it, was, I wasn't the only person being captivated by it. There were probably about 20 other people, mostly lovers, but a few elderly people, just standing there, being hit by the radiance of the sun. But it wasn't the sun that had taken a hold of my heart. It was The Son.

I know that there is something in every human being that longs for something more that what we can see. I know this because I have felt it. There is something inside us that wants to escape to some other reality... some fairytale that we grew up believing. But then we actually do grow up and the world convinces us that fairly tales are not real. And we lose that wonder of a place that is better than the one we are trapped in. That day on the mid Atlantic was no different than right now, and my neighbors are no different than the ones on the cruise. Deep within us, we all desire for something more.

C.S Lewis said "If we find ourselves with a desire that this world cannot satisfy... maybe we were made for another world".

Maybe we should let our selves be captivated by the true Son. After all, His light will shine forever, and He will never set.



from a warm home in New England,

JN

Everything we see is a Miracle

It is funny how you can have your mind set on one thing and then all of a sudden, your plans are changed by what would seem to be an a coincidental accident. Life's interruptions are God's opportunities.

Yesterday around 2 in the afternoon, the 5 of us were walking around New Philly handing out fliers for a Christmas Caroling event sponsored by a local church. I went with Ben. Correy, Link, and Mikey went down to the mall. Ben and I walked down to the local coffee shop and I had to stop at the bank which was right next door. As a came out of the bank, I see Ben standing with this tall, unkempt black guy. I was like "huh, I wonder if this guy wants to hand out fliers with us or something." I introduced myself to the man. He said his name was Joel.

He then went on to tell me something I was completely not expecting... that he had just been released from the County Jail and needed a ride back to Columbus by 7 the next morning or there would be a warrant out for his arrest. I then thought to myself "I dont think we are going to be handing out anymore fliers."

So Ben and I took Joel back to the house. As we were walking, Joel began to tell me how he is from Columbus and he was visiting his girl about a half hour from New Philly. Some stuff happened, the girl says some stuff, and Joel lands up in County Jail for a night. He gets released this morning, goes to a homeless shelter to eat and then is told that he has to find a way back to Columbus by 7 am the next day or he will be arrested again. No officers or judicial workers would give this guy a ride to the place they demanded he be! It really sucked for him, and he was in a really rough spot.

So we get to the house, give him some coffee and cake, and tell Don and Travis what is going on. Joel is freaking out. We call the homeless shelter to see if they can do anything about it. Nothing. So then, immediately, Lincoln is like "you guys can take my jeep." I love Lincoln's heart. I looked over at Joel and he looks like he is feeling guilty that he is making us take him back to Columbus. Then Correy looks directly at Joel, and says "Joel. You are getting home. These two gentlemen right here are going to drive you. Don't worry. We are taking care of it. You are getting back to Columbus.

Man, I love the Body of Christ. I love Correy's boldness. That is something I am really learning. To be bold. Correy speaks his mind. And he doesn't care. I really appreciate that about him. Anyway, so Joel was really relieved.

Ben and I ended up taking Joel back to Columbus. It was about a 2 hour drive, but it was worth every moment. Ben and I drove an ex-convict back to Columbus. 3 years ago, I honestly would have never believed you if you told me that I would drive an ex-convict 100 miles in order to help him not go to jail again.

It is amazing how Christ will transform your life. Ben and I felt so much joy in helping this man out. I feel like God has all these opportunities for us all the time, but we just are not willing, or not listening. Ben was listening and willing.

Joel was a miracle. As we heard more of his story, I realized that everything about life is a miracle. I will never forget what this man said to me. He looked at me and said "Man, i have been through some rough (explicative), but what has kept me alive is God." Joel went on to tell us how he has been wanting to change, and how he wants to know God with his heart, not just believe in Him in his head.



The Divine has intervened in human affairs, and has not only intervened, but cares about human affairs enough to become that which He has created in order to ransom those He loves. Joel made me realize that even more yesterday.


The rolling hills of Ohio were never more beautiful on that cold, December night. As we drove off into the sunset, I could not help but smile and know deep within me at God is good. This thing that we are all apart of, following Jesus...... it...is....so...real.

True Blessings in this Christmas season,

JN

Old Friends and New Ones

The trip to Chicago is coming to an close. I will write a blog about it when I get home.

I dunno. Today, I caught up with one of my close friends from back home. It was really good. We joked around and talked about each others lives for a while. Then we started talking about how good it will be one day when we are at each others weddings, and what an indescribable day it will be. So I am in Chiago now, with a bunch of new friends. I just think it is so awesome how God puts people in your life that you grow up with, you come to love as brothers and sisters, and then one day you graduate high school and begin the next chapter of your life and those friends become the "old friends" and all of a sudden you are surrounded with "new friends". Now I don't really like either of those terms, but today, I reconnected with an "old friend". After we finished talking, I went outside to the frigid city air. It was 25 degrees out and I didn't have a coat, but it didn't matter. I looked up at the sky and just thanked God for the people He has put in my life, old and new.

I really love those moments. And I love how whoever is reading this can appreciate what I am talking about because it is a thing that all humans expereince. What amazes me is that every day I am away from my old friends, I appreciate them more. The memories we made together are that much more special.

So I don't really have a point to this blog. I just want you to appreciate the people God has put in your life, and realize how good God is.

That all,


from the windy city,

JN

Lights over Pittsburgh

Its been a while since I have written a blog. I went home for the first time in 6 weeks for Thanksgiving last week. Ate lots of food. Caught up with some old friends. It was a good week of rest.

I flew home last monday. It was the first time I had ever flown alone. I love traveling. It is probably my favorite thing to do. After I leave Ohio, I am going to spend some serious time traveling around the country. And then Europe and eventually to Israel. Anyway...my flight took off around 4:30, so it was already dark. I got a window seat (the best seat on an airplane), and stared out as we took off. I have flown a lot over the years, but every taking off is always a rush. I love that feeling when you get sucked back into your seat. The guy next to you is grasping hand rests as hard has he can because he thinks he is going to die. I love it. I feel like a little kid when I am in an airplane. So I am looking out the window, and I see Pittsburgh so clearly lit up. There is this expanse of lights covering all the land as far as I can see. I started just thanking God for life. It was one of those moments i was just simply enjoying the fact that I am alive. So as I am looking down at the lights below, I am wondering how many people there are down there. Maybe 2 million. I dunno for sure. I could look it up. Anyway, I am thinking how amazing it is that God is listening to my prayer and knows my heart, and at the same time, knows everything about each individual that is scattered among the lights over Pittsburgh, 10,000 feet below me. In Psalm 139, the psalmist says

"O LORD, you have searched me
and you know me.
You know when I sit and when I rise;
you perceive my thoughts from afar.

Where can I go from your Spirit?
Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
if I make my bed in the depths, [a] you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
if I settle on the far side of the sea,

even there your hand will guide me,
your right hand will hold me fast.

For you created my inmost being;
you knit me together in my mother's womb."

It just blew me away that night, that God not only knows every person in the city of Pittsburgh, but every person who has ever lived on planet Earth. I looked down at those lights, and tried to think what it would look like if there was a light for every person on Earth. I couldn't imagine it. There were probably close to 1 million lights that night. And they covered as far as I could see. I can not imagine looking down and seeing 6 billion and knowing each one individually, better than each person knows himself. Just think. God knows me better than I know my self. And so many times I am afraid of the future. Sometimes I fear that I won't know what job to pursue, or when I will get married, or if for some reason i won't have kids, and whether or not the Earth is going decide to stop spinning around the sun and the planet will hurl itself into space and we will all die. But I read the Psalms, and it is so clear that God knows what He is doing. God is so big that He knows the deepest desires of my heart, He knows what I need to live, and He knows how to keep the planets orbiting the sun, because He is the Creator and He has been sustaining the universe perfectly since the beginning of time.


So now I am back at the ministry house in New Philly. We leave for a service trip to Chicago tomorrow morning. We are going to be doing some work projects and handing out sandwiches to the homeless, as well as seeing the city. I am going to get to bed. It is late. God is good.


JN

2012

Last night I saw the movie 2012 with some of the guys. Like most end of the world movies, it was great entertainment, but not much more. I mean, there was this one scene that just killed me. John Cusak is in Yellowstone National Park on the top of a mountain as the caldera is erupting. (If you didn't know, Yellowstone is a dormant volcano, and has been dormant for about 600,000 years. According to scientists, over the last few million years, the supervolcano has erupted 3 times, in period of about 600,000 to 700,000 years. So, it is due.) So Cusak, who is in the middle of this supervolcano eruption, gets into a camper and starts driving. His daughter is sitting behind him and looks in the rear view mirror and seeing something similar to the mushroom cloud from Nagasaki rising behind them. Of course, the Cusak is like "everything is going to be fine." So, John Cusak, in a camper, starts driving down a mountain as the blast from the eruption of the Caldera of the Yellowstone Supervolcano is chasing them. They make it out of course.

Anyway, the movie was filled with scenes like that. They were totally awesome, but predictable. It would have been more realistic if everyone died. But then there wouldn't have been a movie, so I guess I will just have to live with Hollywood overdramatizing everything.

So, this movie got me thinking. It starts off in 2009, as a typical day around the world. People are going to work. Kids are playing. The surfer dudes in California are surfing. Everything is normal. But in three years, the entire planet basically blows itself up.

As the movie is over, everyone leaves the theater. I go to the bathroom because that is what I do after movies. Teenagers are hanging out in the mall waiting for their parents to pick them up. All is well in New Philadelphia, Ohio as well as the rest of the country. So I am thinking, after seeing a movie like 2012, does anyone appreciate the fact that they are alive. I mean think about it. Think about how many things in the universe have to be so perfect just for life to exist. And on top of that, how many things in science have to remain perfect for life to continue to exist... For 6,000 years.

The Earth has stayed in orbit. The moon hasn't decided to fly off into outer space. No asteroids have devastated our planet because of our magnetic field. We have a magnetic field to protect us from solar flares and asteroids! Have you ever thought about that? Just like in Star Wars, our planet has a force field around it! That is sweet. Trees and plants take in what we exhale, and give off what we inhale. Because of gravity we can walk around without flying off into space. And this fact just baffles me. All molecules are held together by an intermolecular force. If that force was any different, then everything in existence would break apart and nothing would be in solid form. Our bodies would essentially fly off into space in trillions of microscopic pieces.

So I am thinking about these things and I am like, Wow, God really has to have everything under control for us to live. And I read verses like Isaiah 40:12 and Isaiah 42:5, which say


"Who has measured the waters in the hollow of his hand, or with the breadth of his hand marked off the heavens? Who has held the dust of the earth in a basket, or weighed the mountains on the scales and the hills in a balance?"


and


"This is what God the LORD says— he who created the heavens and stretched them out, who spread out the earth and all that comes out of it, who gives breath to its people, and life to those who walk on it"

It is absolutely incredible that we can even take our next breath. Countless miracles need to happen every second in order for us to live. This is just astounding. And the crazy thing is, we keep on living, but rarely take any time to marvel at the fact that we exist. Look at your hand. Look at how perfectly it is designed. How you can control each finger and move it to pick up stuff.

I have heard a lot of people say things like "I wonder what is going to happen in 2012." I have said that. But when I think about it, I should be thanking God every day that we are still here. And we have been here, hurling through space around a massive ball of fire on this big hunk of molten rock for at least 6,000 years. And every day I wake up, and see the sun rise in the east, and I think, "How much longer is this thing going to go on?" How much longer will we be able to live on this planet without chaos happening? I don't know the answer to that question. But I do know that with every passing day, the Return of the King draws nearer. And my spirit roars inside of me whenever I think about the Day. Until then, we will all keep living. Keep existing. Keep loving.

It may be in 2012. It may be tomorrow. It may be some other time. But King is coming.

"He who testifies to these things says, "Surely, I am coming soon." Amen. Come, Lord Jesus! The grace of the Lord Jesus be with all. Amen." Revelation 22:20-21


JN

Meditate on the Goodness of God

I was sitting in a coffee shop today and Travis said something to me that really hit me where i was at. Recently, my mind has been going about 1 million miles an hour. I feel like I am always thinking about the spiritual realm, and dwelling on it. For example, I was at the gym today, and I was thinking about how Satan attacks me and what I can do to defend it. I know realizing where Satan attacks us is vital if we are going to fight against Him through the Word. But I was working out. The gym isn't a place where I want to be contemplating the depths of spiritual warfare. At the gym, I want to get a good workout. That's it. My mind can't handle anything else.

This type of thing happens to me once in a while. It especially happens when I am surrounded by godliness and really growing in my love for Jesus. Sometimes, I can't sleep at night because I am consumed by thoughts that...well.... let me just say they aren't healthly or good right before I go to bed. So, I told Travis this, and he looked at me and said something so simple, but so true. "Meditate on the goodness of God." I was like, "wow. Okay, I can do that.... yeah..." It was the most comforting thing I heard all day. So I ask, what does meditating on the goodness of God look like? For me, it means thinking about the cross. I think about my past, all the times that I have been prideful and rebelled against God, and how through that, He 'demonstrates His love for us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us'. Romans 5:8

I think about that verse and I am like "holy crap!". I am amazed that the King of the Universe loves me and shows his love for me through the most brutal, painful, death ever invented... crucifiction. Did you know that they had to create a word to describe the painfulness of cruxifiction. Excruciating. Yeah... when i found that out I was like... 'wow'

And then I start to think about the physical blessings God has given me. A godly loving family, food, clothing, more possesions than i ever need, people in my life who love me and accept me for who I am, talents, dreams, feelings, the sky, the mountains, the ability to travel to Colorado with my family this summer, being here in Ohio.... I could go on and on.

I think John Piper said it best. "God is glorified when we are the most satisfied on Him". As I meditate on the goodness of God, I am most satisfied, and He is glorified.

I feel such a peace right now. Travis and Don are in their litte office as I am typing this. They are just enjoying each others company... something that always puts a smile on my face whenever I observe them. It makes me think of my best friend who is at Greenville College now, and how much I want to see him. And it makes me know that God is God. He is so good. All the time.

So, smell the flowers today, drink the company, and meditate on the goodness of God. And he will fill you with the peace that trancends all understanding as you trust in Him.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." - Philippians 4:8-9


;)


JN

morning

As I stepped downstairs this morning, I was surprisingly overjoyed to see that frost had covered our lawn like a blanket. It was relatively early, about 7 o'clock, the house was still asleep... except for me. I love those moments. I love them because they are the only time during the day that I can be alone with my Lord. There is something about the morning that is so soothing and tranquil. In our living room, there is a picture of a sunrise coming over these emerald green hills. On it there is apart of Psalm 5, which says;

"In the morning, O Lord, You hear my voice; in the morning I lay my requests before You and wait in expectations".

I love that image. I think of myself waking up to the dawn, somewhere in the Rocky Mountains. The sky would bleed orange and red, and I would just sit there, being in a state of captivation by my Maker. I'd have a dog too. He'd be running through the little meadow beneath the mountain. I would watch him from a distance. His name would be Jonah and he would be a Golden Retriever. Just me, Jonah, and Jesus.
I get so excited just thinking about that. I daydream about moments like those a lot.

But, Ohio will have to do. It was a beautiful morning. Jesus was present in our living room, and on our porch. And that is all I need.

JN

With Everything

Seth and I are sitting in the living room. Hillsong's With Everything is playing on our speaker system. I can't help but wonder. I feel as though sometimes I am so selfish and self-addicted. So many times all I think about is Josh. My heart can be so prideful. Jesus said "any of you who does not give up everything he has, cannot be My disciple." Luke 14. If these are the words of King of the Universe, the Living God, the One created you and the computer screen you are staring at and the keys that i am typing... then why do I desire myself and my dreams so much more than Him? To love Jesus with everything... it is all or nothing.

A few weeks ago I was sitting on my bed upsatirs in the ministry house. I had been really homesick. I didn't want to stay here. I had no confidence in myself. I felt like my life was welling up to nothing because I was so focused on myself. And then I read that verse from Luke 14. It completely tore me apart. I asked myself if I really could continue living for myself while trying to live for Christ. I couldn't do it. It is an aweful feeling knowing that you are intentionally ignoring the Creator or the Universe, yet claiming you love Him. Over the last 4 or 5 months, God has been ripping my selfishness apart. In very painful ways, he has showed me that to think I can be His disciple and at the same time live a self gratifying life is absoulte foolishness. So a few weeks ago, I sat on my bed, staring at the ceiling, contemplating whether I wanted to stop following God because he requirements are so demanding, or, ask Him to change my heart so I would live fully devoted to Him with my will being His will. I was thinking about moving to Colorado on the spot, or spending a the rest of this year hitchhiking around America. I would have done it too.

C.S Lewis said that God is the "hound of heaven". I have been running from Him for so long, half heartly following Him. God chased me down, tackeled me, and told me that I needed to choose. So I chose.

I can't resist His irresistable grace. Jesus chose me. How could I want anything else. How could I think Colorado would satisfy the longings of my heart. It can't.

So I am sitting here, just thinking about my 19 years of life, and how God has so clearly been pursuing me. From the time I walked on the Great Wall of China when I was three, to the basketball court in the back of Asbury Grove in the summer of 2006, to right now.

I may never go to Colorado again. And is okay. Because Jesus is the prize. And he is so worth everything that I am.

"My whole life I place in your hands,
God of mercy, humbled I bow down,
in Your Presence at Your Throne."

-Came to My Rescue by Hillsong


-JN, one of the redeemmed

Humility on a Roof

I spent the day with Ben roofing with this dude Erik Miller and his crew. We were up somewhere near Clevland, past Akron. I had prayed earlier this week that God would humble me. So, when Don asked the guys on Wednesday if any of us wanted to roof with Erik, I went for it.
I have never really roofed before in my life. If you don't know what roofing is, basically it involves ripping shingles off a roof, and putting new ones on. It sounds easy and mindless, but it is by no means. I did a decent job of ripping the shingles off, but when Bo (one of the crew guys) asked me to be his "Pitcher", I had no idea what was that involved me doing. So I had to ask him what pitching is. He just looked at me and smiled, knowing that I have no experience roofing, and said "you are the guy that hands me the new shingles so I can nail them on." I felt like an idoit. Duh, that makes so much sense.
So Bo gets his nail gun (which is wiked sick by the way... you could easily shoot someones eye out) and I hand him a shingle. Apperently there is a method to handing shingles, and I wasn't understanding it. You have to be so precise to helping the nailer if you want the job to get done quickly. Then you have to re load the shingles and move as the nailer gets closer and closer to the top of the roof. Its a lot to think about.
So Bo let me go at it for a half hour, and then realizes that I was slowing him down, so he told me to go clean up around the house. There was this big pile of gutters on the ground that the crew had just tore off. Erik told me to to put them in the truck. So, I put them in the truck, with out really thinking about it. About a half hour later, I had just finished sweeping up this awening on the other side of the house. I tried to sweep it as clean as I could, because there was leaves and dirt, and old shigles all over the place. Bo noticed my diligency. He goes "Well, you swept the crap out of that awening". Being witty, I told him "Erik told me he wanted it so clean that he could eat off it.. so mabye you should go get some of those burgers we had for lunch and dump them on the awening so you can see." Bo just smiled. He looks at me and goes... "You are a good listener, but one thing you lack at your young age is discernment." And he points to the truck where i loaded the gutter. Each gutter was sticking off the back of the truck about 15 feet.
I just stood there and started laughing at myself. The the guys were houling with laughter. Erik goes "I dont know what is funnier... the practicality that everything on the truck will fall of when we start it, or that the gutters are about 12 feet beyond the legal limit and would totally crush any car behind us if they fell of." An image of a corvette getting smashed by all the gutters falling off as we drove down 77 came to mind.

So, I asked God to humble me. He sure did. I looked like an idiot in front of an expereinced roofing crew. More than once. But the guys were really chill about it and enjoyed that I provided the humor for the day. Humor is needed on a work site or someone will feel like they want to shoot somebody. It was a really fun day. I learned a lot. And my prayer was answered.

1 Peter 5:6 says "Humble yourselves, therefore, under the mighty hand of God so that at the proper time he may exalt you."


How true it is.


JN

A Cool Truth

We were up late last night for J-Time, (Jesus Time). Basically what J-Time is, is the 7 of us sitting in the living room, talking about Jesus, our past, our present, our future, and basically just hacking out life together as a biblical community. We started around 9, and slowly a few of the guys drifted off to bed. Around midnight, myself, Seth, Don, and Ben were hungry and went to the kitchen to grab a midnight snack. Don was a personal trainer back in Chicago, so all of us usually ask him fitness and health questions. So J-time turned into a wellness session in the kitchen. I ate a little, but i mostly drank water because I had already drank about 9 cups of coffee earlier that day. No Joke. Coffee in the ministry house is a frequent necessity. It is sweet, because down High Street, there is this awesome local coffee joint called the Daily Grind, and they have the best brews and beans. Yesterday happened to be Hawaiian Kona Coffee, so I was all over that. After hanging out in the kitchen we all went to bed. Last night I had a lot on my mind. I have been feeling really good about life, and where I am right now. I feel like God has me in the right place and I am surrounded by a community of people that really wanna do this thing together... really live out the gospel of Christ. But I was praying about something last night that has been on my mind for a while, and I couldn't fall asleep. On Sunday I talked to a buddy of mine who has been going through the Psalms. He reads at least 3 a day, and he encouraged me to try it. So, I read 3 yesterday morning, and was on the 4th one. And as I was lying in bed, Psalm 4 popped into my head. I don't know if it was because that was the one that I was going to read next, or if God just wanted me to read it. But, I went downstairs around 1 o'clock and opened to Psalm 4. This is what it says.

"I will lie down and sleep in peace,
for you alone, O LORD,
make me dwell in safety." Psalm 4:8

I read verse 8, and was like, "wow God. Wow. Okay, I will go upstairs, lie down, and sleep because I am in Your safety." It was pretty sweet, because I tend to be a insomniac and 9 cups of coffee don't help at all. It was even sweeter, because it has been a long, long time since God hit me with a verse to help me where I was at. And that is because I don't read His Word enough. I could right a lot more about that... but I will save it for another blog. So, I got up, went back to bed, and fell asleep within the next 10 minutes. God's Word is truth. I am really re-learning that right now. I hope this encourages you today!

JN

Alive

On Saturday I rode Don's bike down to the gym to workout, but when I got to the gym, all the lights were off. I was a little confused, because it was only 6 O'clock, and I thought the gym stayed open until 9. But, it turns out on Saturdays, that it closes at 5. So, a little disappointed, I decided to walk around the mall for a little while. (The gym is right next to the New Towne Mall). I like walking the mall a lot. A lot of my friends don't, because they feel like malls bombard people with advertisements have a really depressing feeling about them. But for myself, I really enjoy them. I like just walking, and observing the kinds of people I see.
So on this particular Saturday I noticed something about malls that I had never noticed before. As I walked by the kiosks, I passed benches. Sitting in these benches would be people. Usually there was just one person in a bench. The type of people varied, Hispanic, Caucasian, middle age, elderly... but there was one thing in common with all the people sitting on the benches. They had this blank stare on their faces. They were staring into nothing. Now, I don't know anything about any of these people, but watching them got me thinking. I wonder why there are people in America who spend their Saturday's sitting on a bench in a mall, just staring into space.
America has everything. It really does. Anything you want you can get in this country. That is the American Dream after all, isn't it. If you work as hard as you can, then your dreams are possible. We have been given the right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. But is happiness achievable? It seems like all we ever do is pursue it, we never obtain it. Sure, I have meet people who seem happy for a time. But it hasn't lasted.
So I wonder what those people on the bench feel like. I wonder if they feel like they want to experience true joy, but they can't. I wonder if they want to be loved, accepted, and really feel alive, but for some reason, no one loves them, no one accepts them, and they feel dead on the inside. Sometimes I feel like that. A lot of times I feel like that. There are so many times in my life when I feel like I want people to accept me, like me, and love me. I want to be good enough.
But every time I start thinking and caring about that, it leaves me feeling more insecure, more like a loser, and more like I am dead on this inside.
I believe the heart of every human being wants to experience life and joy. But we have this warped idea of where life and joy comes from.
I read this passage of Scripture earlier this week which pretty much struck me across the face and convicted me of my self-addiction in my life.
Jesus is talking about the cost of being his disciple and after saying you have to love Him more then anything he says something which is incredibly hard to swallow. He says "So therefore, any one of you who does not renounce all that he has, cannot be my disciple." Luke 14:33
I have been a follower of Christ for about 3 years now. For much of that time, I loved God. But I loved Him with conditions. I was like "God, I love you, as long as you make me feel comfortable and I don't have to risk everything, and don't have to talk to people I really don't want to talk to. And, oh yeah, get me to Colorado so I can live in the Rocky mountains."
For the last few months, God has been hammering into me that it is not about me. It really isn't. If I (any of us) are going to be a disciple of Jesus Christ, we must understand that life is not about us. It isn't about what we want. It isn't about being comfortable. I have really just started to get that.
Maybe the reason I have felt dead inside is because I am self-addicted and have looked for happiness in the wrong place. Jesus offers joy, life, and true peace. He offers it in Himself. And he requires us to give up all we have if we are to receive that offer. I am just realizing that.

JN

Is Talking About Jesus Awkward?

This morning Don cooked up some mean waffles. I love all kinds of breakfast foods, and waffles are definitely among the top 3. Seth, Correy, Don, Link, Travis and I migrated to the living room with our waffles in hand. A local kid named Jack came over and hung out with us for a bit. Jack is really into dirt bikes and after talking about crazy motorcycle stories, the conversation shifted into a Jesus talk, what Don likes to call "J-time".

After a little bit, there was a silence. Don posed the question "Does talking about Jesus make people feel awkward"? If it does, why? After a few more moments of silence and contemplation, Correy said that it is awkward to talk about Jesus because we feel like we need to give the right answer, and if we don't then we feel like we have failed.

So I pose the question... has American Christianity left us to believe that the measurement of our spirituality is like a check list, or a test? Are we trying to get a 100% on a "Jesus Test".
I don't believe that Jesus wants us to look at our relationship with Him as a list of right or wrong answers. I think in the context of talking about our Lord, there are no right or wrong answers. When Don or Travis, or one of my mentors back home asks me, "how is God working in your life" or "why do you think God has you in this situation right now", I don't think they are looking for a text book answer. I think they want to make me think, and they want to see if indeed God is working in my life.

This point led us deeper in the conversation. Is it awkward to talk about Jesus because we don't know Jesus? We can grow up all our lives and know about Jesus, but knowing Him is entirely different. If you asked me to tell you about my relationship with Don, I wouldn't say "He's about 6 feet, black, works out all the time, used to wrestle in highschool, he smiles all the time." No, I would say "Don loves people and I can see that by the way he activly listens to me and asks me 'how i feel about this, and what i think about that, and why i think that'. Don is compassionate, inquisitive, a diligent worker, determined, and driven." We can know everything about Jesus without knowing Him. I can know all there is about Lebron James. I can read his bio, stats, his autobiography, but until I go and talk to him, I do not know him.

Jesus wants to be known. He wants us to seek Him, and pursue Him with everything we have.

"You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and will bring you back from captivity."


Jeremiah 29:13-14



JN

A Change of Scenery

This morning I woke up, and for the first time in my life, my Mom wasn't in the kitchen making breakfast, or sitting on the couch drinking a cup of coffee. I woke across from a dude named Lincoln, my roommate, as he let out a big yawn, wishing it wasn't 6:30.

I am living in New Philadelphia, Ohio, with 5 other guys who's deepest desire is to know more of Jesus. I got Link as my roommate, then Travis, Don, Seth, and Correy. Everyone here is from Ohio except for myself and Seth. Seth is from Alaska. I am pretty jealous... I have always wanted to go to Alaska.

The town here is beautiful. It isn't what I expected. I thought I would be coming to Farmville USA, where everything is flat and I can't walk a mile without seeing a cow. I actually haven't even seen a cow yet. There is this really cool park in town called Tuscora Park, where I ran to this morning. It's like an old fahsioned carnival park. There is a ferris wheel, mini roller coaster, those spinny chair things, and few other rides that only cost a quarter. Down the street from us, there is a movie theater that costs $3. Back home, it would cost me $12. New Philly is about an hour and a half west of Pittsburgh, PA. There are a lot of local coffee shops here, something that Massachusetts really lacks. Corporate America hasn't hit New Philly yet, and it should stay that way. The nearest Starbucks is like 40 minutes from here.

This morning we went to the local gym for about an hour and a half. I look pretty pathetic lifting weight compared to Lincoln, Travis and Don. They are all pretty ripped. I told them that if they can get me looking life Hugh Jackman from Wolverine by the time I go back to Boston, then I will have gotten my moneys worth. Just kidding.

Don is a pretty good cook. He whipped up an egg casserole in like 20 minutes. It had sausage and peppers. It was really good. We eat a lot of food here.

I can get used to this cozy little community. Its really homey. The pace of life so much slower. Back home, almost no one likes to just sit and chill. Since breakfast, we haven't really done anything accept sit around the living room and talk. I have the laptop right here, Link is doing some school work and Seth is playing around on facebook. Its really a great atmosphere.

Here is a link to the Off The Wall website. www.offthewallministry.com

Check it out if you have some time.

I'll check back in in a few days.

JN

Entertaining Angles

Earlier this evening me and a few of my friends went to see the new X-men movie, X-men origins. When we got to the theater, the ticket agent said that there were only a few scattered seats left at the 7:15 showing. So we decided to buy tickets for the next showing, which was at 8:15. With an hour to kill, we headed over to BJ's to pass the time. After checking out the crystal clear HDTV's and eating some churros, we walked over to try and get some free food samples. (For 6 teenage guys, the word "free" pretty much means "it's party time")
As I was walking down the candy isle in BJ's, I noticed an old man looking at something on one of the shelves. He stuck me as a guy who is kinda of "out there". He was tall and skinny and had a thick gray beard and glasses. He looked Irish or Scottish. Then, I happened to look down at his feet and noticed that this guy had on roller skates. I was like "sweet, this dude is the man!" I mean ROLLER SKATES IN BJ'S!!??! He instantly became my hero, and i decided that I wanted to talk to him. As I went over, he started skating away. He made a sharp turn and landed in the clothing isle. So i tried to non-chalantly make my way over and eventually end up standing next to him looking at some clothes. But, he was a quick old fellow and he skated away. I followed him around the corner, but when i got there, he had vanished. Surprised, I began to walk quickly around the store, looking down each isle, but he was no where to be found.
My mind quickly spinning as to where he was, i took another lap around the store. Nothing. He had simply vanished.Then, I thought of the verse in Hebrews where the author states "Do not forget to entertain strangers, for by so doing some people have entertained angels without knowing it." Hebrews 13:2
Now i have read that verse a few times, and honestly, I didn't really believe it. I mean angles walking around our planet in the appearance of humans? Come on! But as I began to think more, I remembered a few stories I had heard of friends who believed they encountered an angel, but in the appearance of a human.
It is interesting that the verse states "by doing". It made me wonder if the only reason I didn't believe in angels breaking through the spiritual realm and physically coming to earth was that I had never set out to entertain strangers. So I asked God, "is this guy for real"
So, as we were leaving BJ's, i see a man sitting by himself, barefoot, eating a foot long hot dog. It was none other then the man with the roller blades. He had just taken them off. I told my friends that I wanted to talk to him, so I went over and said. "Hey man, My name is Josh. I think that your roller blades are really cool. Do you mind if I take a picture of them?" He looks up at me with a grin and says. "So you want me to pose or somethin?" I laughed pretty hard. "Yeah sure, whatever you want" I replied. "So if you take my picture, is there anyway you could send it to me via email?". "No sorry, i dont have all those crazy functions on my phone like some people do." "Aww thats to bad" he replied. "well... I dont have a computer anyway."
The man's name was Paul. He didn't glow, or have a halo, but he did like to skate in between towns, specifically over the beverly/salem bride. He said he enjoyed "picking up quite a lot of speed" down the bridge. He also said that he would skate up to 10 miles a day. That blew me away.

Angel or Human, Paul taught me a lesson this evening. Never grow old. Old in spirit that is.


So, for whoever is reading this, when you are 65, don't hesitate to do something that you might now feel is a little absurd. Whether that be doing handstands down the street, wearing a spedo to the beach, or rollerskating in BJ's...never lose the kid inside of you. I hope when I am 65, i will still have a young soul and enjoy life to the point of not caring about what others think... and roller skating in BJ's is first on my list. (Except it will probably be hoverboarding by the time I am 65)

Thanks Paul


-JN