reflecting

Its crazy how fast time goes. I have been looking back through my facebook pictures this morning. It really is crazy. I am 19 years old. In 6 months I will be 20. I honestly cannot believe it. I won't be a teenager anymore. This past year has moved faster than any other year in my life. A year ago I was pacing around the halls of my highschool in the middle of class searching for a way to escape. Now, I would give anything to go back to those moments, and to enjoy them. Yeah, high school sucked for the most part, but there were those moments that are really special.

It is just crazy how fast this last year has gone. I graduated highschool, then went to Compass. I spent 10 days hiking in the Adirondacks, and then went to Costa Rica. I got home, went to NYC for a few days, then Soulfest. 2 weeks later I was in Colorado and Wyoming with my family for vacation. Then I got my wisdom teeth pulled out. And a few weeks later I left for Ohio. I've lived in Ohio for 6 months. I have grown so much. I can't even remember the kid I was when I came here.

Yesterday, I got my Ohio drivers license. They took my Massachusetts one away. This place is home now... wow.


I really miss my first home! There is this memory of highschool that always brings a smile to my face when I think about it. It was one of the proms I went to. It was my junior prom, which was actually 2 years ago. I remember looking around the room, and seeing all of my friends, dressed up. The guys, in tuxes, the girls in dresses. I took this girl named Aleigh. She looked incredible that night. I was probably really awkward... I had on a pink vest and a pink tie. And I don't know how to dance. I am more of a flailer. I remember sitting at the table eating dinner that night before the dance got going. There were way to many forks. I think I ate with my hands for most of the meal. I remember seeing Sy and Christi across the table from me. Dan Mulley was on my right. And Aleigh on my left. Luke was making the rounds to all the tables, as usual. That memory us at the table will be instilled in my mind forever. I wonder, if 25 years from now, that same group will be reunited at our highschool reunion. I can picture that day. All of us reminiscing about the past 25 years, wishing we could turn back time....

It just struck me that night at the table. Highschool isn't going to last forever.

So right now I am sitting on my porch in New Philaelphia, Ohio, about exactly 2 years later. Im watching all these cars go by. I wish I could go back in time. You know how sometimes you dream that you could watch yourself in the past? I wanna do that. I wanna watch myself that night. I wanna watch myself do some weird 80's discos dance while everyone around me is grinding. I wanna laugh at my awful table manners. I wanna watch myself take in the moment.

Wow. There it is. Taking in the moment. I have not done that for so long. It has been a constant "what is happening next?". "What is the next thing?".

I haven't just sat and soaked life in.


I read something today I just loved. It went something like this.

when we plan out our life, we miss God's plans for us. We miss what God has right in front of us.


Ireally don't wanna plan out my life. When I really think about it... wow. It would suck. Knowing exactly what is going to happen to me 5 years from now. Knowing what I will do next week? I don't want to know!

:)

I am going to go drink the company, smell the flowers, and take in the beauty of today.


I wrote this about a year ago. Its a song of mine that I don't ever play for some reason. I am going to start playing it again.


this is the memory
of what I failed to see
I thought I'd broke down
no chance of higher ground

each breath a mystery
unsure of being me
I was tring trying to figure out
what this life's about

is there more pain to breathe
is it worth living my own dreams
I've been feeling so empty
until He set me free

is this reality
cause now i sing

slow down... and look around
at what is right in front of me
what i didn't see
everything i thought i was
is now a memory of who i used to be

i've fallen out, of what i thought i was
i've figured it out now i look up to the clouds
and see the sight, of an everlasting dawn

i'll be waiting on West Beach
for the answer to one thing

you'll find me on the rocks
taking it in and giving it back
seeking a place to be and a Face to see
a Face that's changed me


JN

dawn over New Philly

I awoke at 5 am this morning. I was in the bathroom last night and I realized that in the past 6 months, I have never went on a morning adventure and watched the black morning sky get swallowed up by the dawn. So, I decided that today, I would change it up a bit, spend the first few hours of my day with The Lord, watching Him put the morning into motion.

I left the house by 5:30. I wasn't really sure what time the sun rose, I just figured it would be sometime within the hour. There is this hug hill that overlooks New Philly. I think it is about 1000 feet. There is this cell tower on the top of it, and there is this cliff that just drops straight down into the mucky river below. It is my favorite place in New Philly. It is really the only place I can go if I want to get completely alone. It is a long bike ride up there. It took me about 20 minutes, and most of it is an uphill stretch around the back side of the hill.

I think I got to the top around 6 o'clock. It was pitch black. The stars were still out. I really was amazing. If i looked to the west, I saw the bigger dipper, and in the distance, the outline of route 39 which leads into Amish Country. To the East, was New Philly, all lit up. Most of the 50,000 people below me were still asleep.

It took a while for the sun to rise. It actually rose at 7:33, so I was there for about an hour and a half. But it was awesome. When the light was bright enough for me to see, I flipped open my Bible, and read a few Psalms. I then read a passage in Hebrews I had never read before. I think it is pretty sweet. I'll share it with you.

Hebrews 12:18-29 says

You have not come to a mountain that can be touched and that is burning with fire; to darkness, gloom and storm; to a trumpet blast or to such a voice speaking words that those who heard it begged that no further word be spoken to them, because they could not bear what was commanded: "If even an animal touches the mountain, it must be stoned." The sight was so terrifying that Moses said, "I am trembling with fear."

But you have come to Mount Zion, to the heavenly Jerusalem, the city of the living God. You have come to thousands upon thousands of angels in joyful assembly, to the church of the firstborn, whose names are written in heaven. You have come to God, the judge of all men, to the spirits of righteous men made perfect, to Jesus the mediator of a new covenant, and to the sprinkled blood that speaks a better word than the blood of Abel.

See to it that you do not refuse him who speaks. If they did not escape when they refused him who warned them on earth, how much less will we, if we turn away from him who warns us from heaven? At that time his voice shook the earth, but now he has promised, "Once more I will shake not only the earth but also the heavens." The words "once more" indicate the removing of what can be shaken—that is, created things—so that what cannot be shaken may remain.

Therefore, since we are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, let us be thankful, and so worship God acceptably with reverence and awe, for our "God is a consuming fire."


Just think about that. We are receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken. God is going to shake the heavens soon. I cannot image the chaos that will happen when the One that holds everything together, decides to let loose. I don't know what God will do, but I can just imagine planets exploding and colliding with each other. The battle of Armageddon will be a cosmic battle. God will restore everything. Its gonna be sweet.

Every time I think about the Kingdom of Heaven I get so excited. I encourage you to read Hebrews 11 and 12 today. It pumps me up and encourages me.

I am learning a lot about life. Living in contentment, specificaly, is a lesson that God is teaching me right now. Check tomorrow for a blog about that. Ohio is really beautiful in the spring. I really miss my hometown back in Mass. When I was highschool I always said that I hated where I grew up and I never knew why anyone would choose to live there. I think one of the reasons God stuck me in small town Ohio to teach me to appreciate where I grew up. I really miss it. I haven't seen the ocean for a few months.



That is about it for this blog. Sunrises over cities are pretty amazing. Catch one if you can. It is worth the 5 am wake up.


JN

Psalm 37:4

Psalm 37:4 has been a life verse for me for a long time. It is the main reason I live in Ohio right now.

I remember the day I decided to take a leap of faith and commit to coming to Off The Wall Ministry.

A little background on my journey to OTW:
My best friend, and the closest thing I have to a brother, Mike Tulimiero, had invited me to come up to his school, Portsmouth Christian Academy, in Dover, New Hampshire to hear this guy named Don Stubbs speak. It was March 2009, just one year ago. It was around Easter, and Don had been speaking at PCA's spiritual epmhasis week for about 3 or 4 years. Don used to work in the inner city of Chicago helping street kids for 17 years with Inner City Impact, and a ministry that he co-launched called GRIP.

In the summer of 2008, Mike and his brother, Chris, were invited by Don to spend a week in Chicago helping GRIP. At the time, Don was mentoring this weird white guy from Ohio who thinks he is black and is really good at basketball, being ripped, driving a sick Mazda and just about everything else he does named Travis.

I remember the day Mike left for Chicago. I was in his kitchen. We were talking. He couldn't stop raving about how cool and godly this guy Don was. All Mike really needed to say was that Don was black and loves Jesus. That would have been enough for me. But he continued to talk about Don for an hour, so naturally, I put up with him and listened. (I wanted to tell him to shut up so we could go play Frisbee or something after he had been talking for 45 minutes. I don't even think I got a full sentence in that conversation.)

It is funny. That day in the kitchen, Mike was leaving for Chicago for his first short term mission trip. The next day, I left for New Orleans for my first short term mission trip. God used both of those mission trips to teach us a lot.

So about 3 weeks later we both we back in Hamilton. I think we had a sleepover. Oh yeah... he slept over my house. We walked down to my old elementary school at 1 am. My parents didn't know.

I remember just sitting on these rocks, looking up into the heavens with by best friend. Mike marveled at how in love with Jesus Don is. I just sat there, listening to Mike, marveling at God's handiwork in the night sky. (I think I was listening that night.)

Anyway, flash forward a year to last March. Mike invited me to go to PCA for the Easter service. Don was speaking and Mike was leading worship. The Easter service was on a Friday. I remember I got a call the Monday night from Mike. He asked me if I wanted to come up the next day because there was a small get together at Collen Bressen's house with about 10 PCA students. Don and Travis were going to be there. So I told Mike I obviously would skip school the next day. Mike's Dad picked me up, drove me an hour up to NH. I remember that day so vividly. That was one of a few divine appointments in my life that changed everything. I always wonder what God was doing that day. He was probably smiling. I never knew that that interaction with Don Stubbs would change the direction of my life forever.

Mike and I pulled up to the Bressen's, house. I walked up to the door. It was a huge house. As I walked in, I saw a ripped black guy smiling, sitting on a stool with sweat pants and jeans. That was the first time I saw Don Stubbs. Next to him was the weird white guy from Ohio who was good at everything and used to work for the Charlotte Bobcats, Travis. I sat down next to Don. After Mike introduced me, Don looked directly at me, and grinned. "What are the three thing you appreciate the most about Mike, Josh?" he asked.

I was a little surprised, after all I was sitting among 10 kids that I did not really know, asked on the spot to compliment my best friend. So I told Don that Mike is ripped. Everyone sort of laughed, because they all knew it was true. Don said something like "Yeah... Mike T is pretty jacked." Travis just smiled. Personally, I think Travis was a little jealous because Mike was in better shape then him at the time. I don't know about now. I will have to find out. I will make both of them wrestle or something.

Anyway, the night went on. I just remember sitting there, listening to Don talk about Jesus. Every now and then Travis would give some really awesome insight. I had never met to men who were really really cool and loved Jesus. After about an hour of hanging out, everyone started to leave. I asked Don if I could spend the night. He said I could only if we talked about Jesus all night. I was more than fine with that, but Mike and I had to go.

The next day, PCA had 5 hours of standardized testing. So I was left alone at the school from 6 till 11. I remember there was this inlet of water near the school, and this rocky shore. I walked down there, and read my bible. A few hours later, I found myself laying in a field looking up at the sky, just thanking God for all the things he had done in my life.

Then I got the call. It was Mrs. T. She told me that Don wanted to talk to me. He and Travis were waiting in the library. So I got up, ran as fast as I could to the library, and found Don and Travis sitting there with coffee. I sat down. Don asked me about my plans for next year.

At the time, I wanted to spend my year off with Youth With a Mission, hiking and living in the Sierra Nevada Mountains in California for 3 months, and then going on a 3 month mission trip do work with an orphanage and share the gospel with the people of Naryn, Kyrgyzstan. What I really wanted was an adventure. I wanted escape. I wanted to leave the little down I grew up in. I did not want to ask God what He wanted for me.

So I told Don about YWAM. And then He described Off The Wall, and that he had just launched it with Travis in Holmes County, Ohio. He told me that it is an open door if YWAM doesn't ever work out. Don never persuaded me to come. He did not even ask me. He just said that it is an open door.

So I went home and told my parents all about Don and Trav and OTW. They were interested, so on Good Friday, we drove back up to NH so my family could meet them. Don and Trav ended up driving back down and spending the night with my family at my house in Hamilton.

I prayed about what do to for 2 months. Go to YWAM or go with OTW. I was expecting God to write me a letter and spell out what His will was for me. The funny thing is, He already wrote the best Love Letter in the world that does explain His will for me...the Bible.

I remember this day so vividly. I had just come home from school. I was sitting in my truck. I needed to make a decision. I asked God to give me something. So I flipped open the Bible. I have always loved the Psalms. I usually read them every morning. I went to Psalm 37, one I had not read for a while. Then I saw it. Verse 4. "Delight your self in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart." If my delight is in God, then it was okay for me to go to Ohio. So I called up Don, and told Him I was coming. 2 weeks later, I got a call from the director of YWAM Bishop. He told me that the base was not running that year because of some leadership issues and that he would refund my application check.

That was not the only time Psalm 37:4 spoke to me. But this blog is running a little long. And I am going to go for a run because the sun is shining. Spring in New Philly is really beautiful, especially at Tuscora Park. The jungle gym is always really inviting. I just hope no one tells me to get off because I am not 5 years old. Oh well.


That's it for now,

JN

peace

Its almost 2 am right now. I am the last one awake in the house. Tomorrow will be good because I will get to sleep in. Life has been so busy here, I have not woken up past 7 in about a month. But its good. Its really good. I have been praying for peace for the last few days. I have peace now. I am really happy. I am looking forward to tomorrow I can sleep in. Ben's dad, Ted is in this weekend. And Lincoln's brother, Everett is sleeping over as well. So, its gonna be a good weekend.

I am learning a lot right now. Sometimes it has been a little overwhelming. But now, i am just breathing, and enjoying life. The journey is good. I am really content with life now.

I just got off the phone with an old, old, friend. That is why I am up so late if you were wondering. It was a really, really good conversation.

I am going to go for a run tomorrow. I am really excited. And Ben and I are going to hike our mountain, which is really a 300 foot hill.

I love weekend. No ministry for 2 days. It is so refreshing. I have to work Wednesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Saturdays. I love dish washing. Its a lot of fun.

I flew in this plane today. Jay Miller, the man who teaches biblical training on friday mornings is an ex pilot. He used to fly leer jets. Hes a true man of God. He took me up and we flew all over Tusc. Country. the weather was beautiful. not many clouds.

i am really enjoying it here. life is good. God is good. Simple things like candles are good.

i love life right now. I have not been this content in a long, long, time.

I am excited for tomorrow. Not as excited to go to bed tho.

take care, whoever you are,


JN

With Everything... part 2

About 5 months ago I wrote a blog called With Everything. With Everything is a song by Hillsong United (which we are all seeing in April!... I am so excited!)

It is funny.... when I wrote that last blog, it was the first time I heard With Everything. And since then I cannot stop singing it. It gets me so pumped up every time I listen to it. I just wanna run. I wanna get outside and run. I wanna run as fast as I can to Jesus. As my life verse says "My beloved, be steadfast and immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord because you know that your labor is not in vain." I want to run to Jesus with abandonment, like Paul did. I want to stop praying for safe things. (See Travis's blog for more thoughts about that) I want to recklessly love Jesus and love people. I want to be a bondservant of the King. With everything I have, I want to finish the race.

I want people to feel and know the love of their Maker. There is nothing better in this world. Nothing. I pray that my generation would open their hearts to God, and that they would desire that their heart beat to God's heart.

Look at the world right now? What goes through your head when you watch the news? Are you scared?

I used to be so scared of the end of the world. I used to lay in bed in fear that someone would hold a gun to my head and ask me if I beleived in Jesus, and I would say no. I was afraid I would go to hell forever if i said no. But that is not true! Because God has saved me!

But God.

But God.

"But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy has made us alive with Christ"

Jesus said "And fear not them which kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul: but rather fear him which is able to destroy both soul and body in hell." Matthew 10:28

I am done being afraid. I am so excited for the end of the world. Because whenever it happens, I am going to see my Maker face to face. I don't care if I die as a martyer. I really don't. It is only by God's grace that He has changed my dead heart. It is only by His grace that He has taken my dead bones and breathed life into them in His Son. It is only because of Jesus that I am alive. How could I ever deny Him? Why would I ever deny Him? But I sometimes I do. Paul says in Romans 7:15-20

"I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. 16And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good. 17As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. 18I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, in my sinful nature.[c] For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. 19For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing. 20Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. "

This song, With Everything, is my prayer for my life, my generation, and ever single soul on this planet.


Open our hearts,
To see the things
That make Your heart cry,
To be the church
The You would desire.
Light to be seen.

Break down our pride,
And all the walls
We've built up inside,
Our earthly crowns
And all our desires,
We lay at Your feet.

So let hope rise,
And darkness tremble
In Your holy light,
And every eye will see
Jesus, our God,
Great and mighty to be praised.

God of all days,
Glorious in all of Your ways.
Your majesty, the wonder and grace,
In the light of Your name.

With everything,
With everything,
We will shout for your glory.

With everything,
With everything,
We will shout forth your praise.

Our hearts will cry
Be glorified,
Be lifted high,
Above all names.
For You our King,
With everything,
We will shout forth your praise.

Woah...

May we live like Sons and Daughters of the Most High God


JN

If you go on a trip, don't miss the journey

I haven't seen this side of the 3rd watch of the night for quite some time. It is just after 5 as I write this. This weekend, a guy named Jonny Wheeler came to stay with us. He is a friend of Don and Travis's, and lives in Florida. It was great to have him come. He is a brother who really hungers for the Lord, and wants to talk about Jesus 24/7. I love it. It was his spring break this week, and he felt like flying up and hang out for a few days. Don and Jonny had a 7 am flight to catch this morning, so last night I was asked if I wanted to wake up early with them and see them off. I set my alarm for 4:30, but to my pleasant surprise, I awoke without the obnoxious sound of an alarm, at 4:26.

Its a little after 5 now, and the house is still. For a brief 4 hours of the day, there is not a soul awake in the Off The Wall ministry house. Except me today. And I am glad to enjoy it. Travis is upstairs. He is always the first one up... He is usually up around 5:30 or 6, but today he said he was going to wake up at 4:30 and see Don and Jonny off. I guess the comfort of his covers got the best of him. They tend to do that to me as well. But it's good. I enjoy the morning. I have my three best friends too keep me company. :). Jamaican coffee tastes so refreshing at 5 am. And Fernando Ortega's voice is just so soothing. And I think God made something special about being in his the Word before the sun comes up.

I am in Psalm 5. "In the morning O Lord, I lay my requests before you, and wait in expectation."

In Lamentations 3, verse 22 through 24, it says "Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for his compassion's never fail. They are new every morning. Great is thy faithfulness."

It is so funny. God is teaching me so much right now. Don loves to tell me "Josh, if you go on a trip today, don't miss the journey." That is probably the second most popular phrase he uses with me. It is second to "What are you thinkin' Joshy?"
But I need to hear it. Every day. The funny thing is, I have been known as a pretty adventurous person. People have told me that they think I am crazy. But honestly, most of the time, I am unhealthily analyzing everything, and I miss the journey. I try to figure everything out about where I am in life, where I will be, why I am not there yet. I have an awesome experience with God, and instead of sitting back and enjoying it, I try and figure God out. I try to figure God out! How stupid is that! God is unfathomable, incomprehensible, and so far unlike anything any human has ever experienced (apart from His revelation to us of Himself)! There is a verse in Isaiah that says that as high as the heavens are above the earth, so high are God's thoughts above ours, and His plans above hours. He compares us to grasshoppers later in the passage, which I think is a generous comparison. I feel more like a mosquito or a no-see-um.

So last night I was out at Denny's after midnight with Jonny, Don, Seth, and Mikey. God has been in the business of rearranging my life recently. He tends to do that. I don't like it. If you read my last blog, you know that I have struggled in the past with making my life all about "the next thing, or the next experience". So this past month, after God had clearly told me not to go to Colorado for college and Costa Rica for the summer (I have known this was His will for some time, but have been to stubborn to unharden my heart to listen His voice and trust Him), and stay in Ohio and go to school here for who knows how long, God tested me last night with another "the next thing" experience.

Seth is from Alaska. In the summer he commercial fishes. He spends all summer on a boat off the shores of Alaska fishing, which I think is freaking sweet. So, naturally, last night when he asked me if I would fish with him next summer, I jumped like a fish out of water (no pun intended). My mind completely disregarded everything the Lord has been clearly giving clarity to me about. Thankfully, Don was there. Don loves to ask penetrating questions. And I thank him so much for that. He sees that my eyes are widened, my mouth is salivating, my mind is racing, and my heart is pumping. He looks at me, and calmly asked, "Josh, how much discipleship will happen on that boat this summer?"

I looked at him, and realized the truthful answer. "Zero", I said.

I wonder what God was doing at that moment. Was he laughing at my impulsiveness? Was he smiling with gentle love shaking his head and thinking "Joshua, when are you going to get it. Just trust me".

Following Jesus is an adventure. I don't need to try and create one. I don't need to live in Colorado for 2 years or commercial fish in Alaska to have an adventure. I needd to just give my heart to my Maker and open up the pages of Scripture. His adventure is far better than any that I could come up with. I bet he is amused by adrenaline junkies. People jump off of planes and buildings to get a rush. Jesus would say the same thing to Evil Knievel as He did to those teenage fisherman as he walked along the Sea of Galilee almost 2000 years ago, "Come, follow me, and I will make you fishers of men".

Life is an adventure. If we go on a trip, never miss the journey.

"At once, they left their nets and followed him"

May that be our response to the call of the Savior. And may we enjoy every minute of it.



a fellow journeyer and fisher of the things that truley matter,

JN